A burning piece of metal hurtling by your ear might give you the chills and thrills, but honestly it just makes me do an eye roll. Yes, you guessed right, I am dissing 3D movies here.
I can imagine you sharpening your pitchforks at my blasphemous statement. All those “how dare yous” and “you know nothing, John Snows” are probably piling up in the comments section right now. But fellow citizens, hear me out.
Thanks 3D, for Ruining Star Wars for me
Back from yet another film in 3D, I am ready to vent. Yes, 3D kind of ruined my Star Wars: The Force Awakens experience. This is a film I have been waiting to watch in theatres since JJ Abrams first announced a remake. Barring one Star Destroyer looming in front of my nose and the hyperdrive sequences, the 3D, to put it mildly, was BLAH! I am not saying it took anything away from the film (I loved every moment of it), but it definitely did not “add anything”. I would have much preferred it to be 2D.
My first 3D feature was Avatar, and boy did I go on a gush fest about the 3D effects. Those luminous jungles, those sweeping flight and fight sequences, I loved it all. So what if I was a bit queasy throughout? It was awesome! I agreed – 3D was the future, it was the best thing to happen to films.
But then came not one, not two, but every Hollywood film in 3D. Arrgh! Each seemed to be competing with the other for the Worst 3D Award. That many hid bad storylines and acting behind a few not-so-glorious 3D sequences did not help matters.
Also, initially, the 2D versions were easily accessible. I would scour the listings for auditoriums showing 2D films. But as time passed, these options became almost nonexistent. I once had to travel from South Delhi all the way to Noida just to catch a 2D show. I was not amused.
Of Money Woes, Eye Trouble and Happier Times
Now, let me tell you something about myself. I assure you it is relevant to this story. I am claustrophobic, myopic, and perpetually broke.
3D films, especially the wham-bam action-packed ones can be a bit overwhelming. Two-and-a-half hours on a roller coaster is never any fun, especially for those with motion sickness and claustrophobia. That’s what 3D films feel like for me. I end up with a stiff neck and a headache at the end of every show. Sitting back and enjoying a movie has become a phantom concept. Shouldn’t I get to choose whether I want to indulge in masochistic movie-watching?
I have prescription frames, so I am forced to wear 3D glasses on top of my spectacles, leading to eerie double images. And don’t even get me started on the blurry, distracting subtitles floating at the bottom of the screen. It is a torture and I definitely don’t get my money’s worth.
Speaking of money, I am glad I grew up at a time when movie tickets were affordable. Impromptu shows were never an issue. Your most expensive ticket would be Rs 70. You could buy popcorn, chips, and coke and still have a great time without making a dent in your pocket.
Thanks to 3D, today you are expected to shell out your first born as payment and still sit through advertisements.
I know that Nolan mania has made it cool for every film to be “dark”, but do multiplex owners have to take things so literally? What on earth is wrong with the 3D glasses in every bleeping hall? Forget about the scratches and the oil stains, why are they so dark? Everything on screen appears depressing. I really would like it if I could actually see the bloody colours on-screen, thank you very much.
The Clincher...
But there’s another reason I strongly feel that watching films in 3D should be a choice. That is because often, while tripping on the 3D high, one tends to miss out on great storytelling and acting. CGI is certainly cool, but it can’t be the thing. Filmmakers seem to suffer from the FOMO syndrome. They want to cash in on the latest trend, in this case the 3D mania.
But let me ask you this. The LOTR trilogy happened before the 3D craze kicked in, but did seeing the films in 2D take away from their magnificence or were they in any way inferior to the 3D-rendered Hobbit films?
I am guessing your answer just proved my point. Some things are just better when they are flat.
Like George Lucas’ neck should be.
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