It’s that time of the year when you wake up reluctantly to hot winds, the sun blazing on your face, and it’s just 6 AM. Two minutes without the AC and your back is wetter than Cherrapunji. The day feels longer than Modi ji’s speech, your limbs heavy, the chores too many. You feel like a character in Pataal Lok. The koel that has been cooing non-stop since 4 AM is now cooing louder in agreement. You can’t even shoot it dead. Neither can you fly off to Siberia because you’d rather die of heat than COVID.
I Would’ve Slept Through 2020 Had I Been Kumbhakarna
Summer in India is soul-crushing. And what better way to slay it than cribbing constantly about the heat. It feels even more empowering when I have the option of switching on the AC, wearing gauzy nothings, and burying my face in a giant watermelon to stay cool as a cucumber. Since cribbing constantly about stuff I can’t change is a lot of hard work, I take naps to be able to do it again and again.
Too bad I’m no Kumbhakarna. Otherwise I could have slept all through 2020 and gnawing anxiety, woken up rejuvenated and ready to fly off to Siberia. So, like any ordinary mortal serving her time on Dharti Lok, I wait till afternoon and a carbs-loaded lunch. It works, every single time. Pretty soon I start swaying like an opium addict, crashing into furniture, as I make my way lustily towards the bed before I surrender myself to a deep slumber.
Napping is the Solution to Every Imaginable Problem
I am such an afternoon nap enthusiast, I make it a point not to sleep well at night. I toss and turn like a tiny boat in a stormy sea and wake up at the crack of dawn bleary-eyed. Sometimes I do such a great job of sleeping badly at night, my system starts shutting down before noon. I start swaying like a tree during a cyclone before collapsing like a dead dog and wake up reincarnated as a fully-functional human.
Tell me, is there anything better than being able to shave off a few hours from a long dreary day in lockdown, where the most exciting thing you do is have a mango! And now that quarantine and work from home (WFH) have opened doors to this wonderful world of siesta and your inexhaustible appetite, wouldn’t you agree, sleeping is way more effective than will-power to put a stop to non-stop snacking!
I feel napping is the solution to every imaginable problem in this world. Feeling inadequate, angsty, under-appreciated – why smear your Twitter timeline with bile when you can sleep it off?
Every time Kim Jong-un is seized with desire to nuke a few countries, he should simply lay down. Donald Trump obviously is not taking enough naps. But Modi ji is always trying his best to put us to sleep with his languorous lockdown speeches. Sir, we appreciate your concerted efforts to put us and the economy to a long uninterrupted sleep.
Why We, Indians, Should Prioritise Sleep Like the Italians & Spaniards
The afternoon siesta may be the key to world peace but somnus interruptus can cause unimagined destruction and rage. Ask men and women who dared to call me in the afternoon with hopes of selling bank loans, credit cards, organic vegetables, luxurious apartments in Sector 5684 in Noida! I have been meaning to visit them in the hospital where they are still recuperating from the banshee with slurred speech, fluent cuss-vocabulary who erupted like a volcano on their ear drums. Sorry guys and girls, you should have known better than to mess with the tigress in foetal position, dreaming of having a breakfast buffet at a hotel she’s just checked into.
If you’re thinking my Bengali genes have something to do with my proclivity for siesta, you are absolutely right. And it’s not just the Bengalis but Goans, Spaniards, Italians who are as passionate about their afternoon naps.
Maybe that’s why these cultures boast of so many artists and literary giants. So, don’t you expect me to give up on my naps, because I shall continue to pursue it with passion till I attain greatness. Maybe not as a literary giant, but certainly as someone who attains moksha every time she naps. And when she doesn’t, she snaps.
(A teacher not so long ago, Purba Ray took to writing on a whim after leaving her job. Has an opinion on nearly everything, fact or fiction, beginnings or ends, light or heavy, long or short. She tweets at @Purba_Ray. This is an opinion piece and the views expressed abo
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