It was a long day at school. The science teacher had borrowed the PT periods and it was a gruelling afternoon. I came back home and as my mother made me forcibly drink a tall glass of milk, I asked, ‘Amma, you make sure we drink milk 3 times a day because that is good for the health. My teacher says there is no substitute to mother’s milk, so why don’t we just drink that everyday?’
My Amma was stumped. She stared into my eyes and realised that was an innocent question. She smiled and said, ‘Wait kanna. It is not as easy to get as Aavin or Arokya. In a few years, you will know what I mean.’
‘Shy’ crept into her face and she quickly began quizzing me about how I have done my math paper that day.
A month later while talking to my friends, I figured what that meant. I never understood what there was to be so shy about.
Talking about puberty, sexuality, atheism, death, sex is all too ‘shy’ for singara Chennai. With a literate population of 90%, why is Chennai still so hush-hush ?
Obsession With All Things Pure
I had to find out the rationale behind it. My mother says it is because back in the day her parents were not informed and so she was never given ‘the talk’. Girls weren’t even allowed to question these beliefs.
Ignorance is not bliss.
I was lucky enough to be born in a house where my father would buy me sanitary napkins and it was okay to discuss sexuality and puberty at the dinner table.
But that is not the case for girls who have to live in secluded menstrual huts during their periods. Many of my friends were subject to an embarrassing day of being decked up and made to sit for a long day of poojas amidst tummy pains and cramps.
Back in the day, the reason for celebrating the coming-of-age of a girl was to announce to the neighborhood that she is ready for marriage. But today, girls are more educated and this is no longer the case. However, the tradition still continues.
Let Us Talk S-E-X
Chennai is a conservative maami on so many levels. You are watching the news of Swami Nityanand’s scandal and as ‘objectionable content’ appears, your dad either changes the channel or awkward silence engulfs the assembled company. Dostana is an absolute no-no.
There was never room for ‘the talk.’ And let us not even get started about dialogues on LGBTQ.
But the paavam Chennai lot is slowly changing, They are becoming more informed. Many are desiring to break free of this traditional mindset and explore possibilities. Thanks to the internet, it has become easier to explain to parents that all combinations of love is normal, not just a man-woman relationship.
Open mic events and plays are being very vocal about issues that have always been brushed under the rug. Recently, I attended a Ted X Napier Bridge event on ‘Breaking Taboos’ and it was refreshing to see so many path-breakers.
My favourite was this couple Shankar and Vidya. The man is a proud stay-at-home husband who loves cooking and keeping the house clean while his wife goes out to work. “This arrangement wouldn’t have been possible if my mother were alive as she believed in stereotypical gender roles. But we lead a life where both of us are equals and do what we love to do,” says a beaming Shankar.
They have been happily married for over two decades now.
Vidya recalls sitting long hours outside fertility clinics and hospitals in the hope of having a baby. When the doctor had suggested that the husband too be tested, she says, her mother-in-law ruled out that option completely.
She was told that a woman lives a complete life only if she goes through motherhood and a child is her way of giving back to society. After a lot of trials, badass Vidya decided she would no longer bow down to these norms.
“I have written a book about how it is alright if you don’t have a baby. You don’t need to spend all your time, energy and money outside clinics to meet the expectations of the society. My baby, my giving back to this society, is this book – to break all taboos and lead a free happy life,’ says Vidhya.
With people like Vidya and Shankar, we are all getting closer to a society where topics such as these are a part of casual conversations.
So let us love, live and let live.