A Dog’s Tale: Here’s What This Furry Canine Thinks of Pokemon Go

Now, what does a dog think of the popular augmented reality game that’s getting a little too ‘real’ for comfort?

There is something strange going on at our house. The Older Child of the family is behaving in a manner that is neither normal, nor has it been previously witnessed in this household. Yesterday mother walked into the house and found the child lying stretched on the living room floor, staring at her phone screen, her hand dextrously tapping away on it.

“What do you think you are doing lying down like that?” mother demanded.

There was no reply. The child had not registered our mother’s presence.

Mother raised her voice, taking her pitch a few notches higher – only to get a “Shh shhh don’t disturb, I am looking for Ghanteshwar Mandir from this angle,” from the 13-year-old ingrate. I would never ever dare to treat mother with such casual indifference. Both Tiffany and I go running to greet her when she comes home, sometimes barely 15 minutes after she has left it. These human kids are so attached to their gadgets that they barely even acknowledge mother’s existence.

A Dog’s Day

Things weren’t always this bleak though. There was a time when the children of the house would often join us in expressing joy when mother returned. Not any more though. Now they have their own phones and iPads and I get the feeling that they much prefer these gadgets to our mother.

Now, I am a dog – and like any dog I like open skies, green grass, female dogs and non-dog food (and sitting on the couch whenever mother is not looking). The children in this house however, are nothing like me. Let’s put it this way – the children of this house are nothing like how children used to be. This I know because of how often I have heard mother say it to her friends over the phone.

So coming back to this Older Child. While mother was standing there waiting to be noticed, the child got up from the floor and walked towards the windows without taking her eyes off the screen. “Sai baba mandir, I just got Sai baba mandir,” she muttered triumphantly, as though she had stumbled upon some lost civilisation.

“Since when did you turn religious? What’s going on?” demanded mother.

“Pokemon Go, mamma,” the child replied absently.

Then she turned and walked towards her bedroom without looking away from the phone.

Because Uric Acid Usually Does the Trick

I was just sitting there minding my own business on the rug in the passage, when this kid tripped over me and then went on to yell at me for coming in her way.

“For god’s sake! Can you not look where you are walking?” mother shouted. “And don’t you scream at the dog, it is not his fault.”

“This dog is just dumb,” the child retorted before she disappeared into her room.

I could see that mother was doing her darnedest best to not lose her cool, although I was hoping she would. Sometimes, the big dog in the skies answers my prayers. This was one such time. Mother quickly followed Older Child to her room and angrily asked her to stop walking about playing Pokemon Go and running into “people and things” (sic). *Note, she called me ‘people’.

Older Child ignored mother’s orders as usual.  “Oh I have to go to the terrace, I think…these Pikachus, uff!”

“Terrace? But why?” asked mother.

“To get Poke’ Balls. I might get Ramkrishna Mission from the terrace,” the child answered as she headed towards the entrance of the house. It was an odd sight, mother following Older Child from one room to the next – and me trailing mother like a good devoted doggy.

“This is madness. People are having accidents all over the world because of this stupid game! I want you to delete Pokemon Go, do you hear me?” said mother – giving in to her proclivity for high drama.

“You have a problem with everything! First, you say that I sit around all day playing games on the phone. You say that I do not get any physical exercise. Now I am actually walking around and you say I should stop playing.”

“Walking about the house or on roads with your neck dangling at this angle does not constitute exercise. It is nothing but a sure shot way to injure yourself. I read today that a boy in Japan fell face down the stairs while playing Pokemon and his face was covered in blood,” I heard mother say.

“And you always look for bad news to scare us into giving something up,” the Older Child said.

If there is one thing that upsets mother it is recalcitrance from the girls. “I will disconnect the wifi in the house,” she threatened.

“I will leave this house then and shift to dadi’s,” said the Older Child, smirking.

I feel bad for mother.

I am an old dog with a weak bladder. I may not know many things but I know how to be loyal to the hand that feeds me.

I shall now wait for the child to leave her phone on the floor while charging it, as she often does, and I have only to ease myself on it, accidentally on purpose. When all else fails, you can count on uric acid to do the trick.

I should know, I’ve done it before.

(Shunali Khullar Shroff is a freelance writer, blogger and author of the bestselling book ‘Battle Hymn of a Bewildered Mother’, published by Hay House in 2015.)