Here’s Your Guide to a Bawaal-Free Durga Puja 

“Don’t call communist kaku and Modi-lover uncles to the same Ashtami after-party.”

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(Editor’s note: This article was first published on 3 October, 2019. It is being reposted from The Quint’s archives to mark the beginning of Navratri/Durga Puja.)

Video Editor: Prashant Chauhan
Camera: Abhishek Ranjan
Script: Ishadrita Lahri

Are you guys in touch with all the social and political etiquettes you have to follow this pujo? I mean, have you updated your lists?

You must be wondering what etiquette now? Don’t worry we at The Quint have you covered. Here goes a list of all the things you must follow for a bawaal-free pujo:

1. Practise Your Ullus

Pujo is incomplete without ululation. No one knows why, but one explanation is that it wards off evil spirits. Do it with devotion and you might just ward off that aunty sneering at your backless blouse.

Don't Follow the Pretty Pandal Mamonis

Dear roadside romeos, if you think women hop pandals in their heels to impress you, you’re wrong. It’s to throw at your face when you follow, tease and touch them unwantedly in crowded pandals. Don't be a creep or get beat up.

Know Your Politics

You see… don’t mention the NRC. Also, don’t call Communist Kaku and Modi-lover uncles to the same Ashtami after-party.  If there’s a bawaal between them, it won’t end before Dashami.

Always Carry Your Own Gelusil

No, you can’t borrow one from Sondhya aunty after every meal. She too has a budget! Remember, not carrying Gelusil is a social ill.

Don’t Keep Company With the 'Mahalaya in Hindi' Crowd

If someone asks to listen to Mahalaya in Hindi, keep your cool then tell him that we only accept Birendra Krishna Bhadra's Mahalaya. The one in Hindi won't work.

Practise Small Talk

If pujo is here, bijoya will come too, which means that customary phone call to Kaku in Kalimpong, Pishi in Purulia, Mashi in Malda and that cranky Jetha in Jadavpur that no one likes. Be prepared to go beyond the “how are you?” Because they will all be ‘bhalo’ – fortunately or unfortunately.

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