Men won't acknowledge their pain.
'Men'tal health will not be taken care of.
Uff. Is there any other wrong step that can be taken while dealing with a breakup?
In episode 6, we talk about how men and women process breakups differently, and how sometimes, men's refusal to acknowledge their pain results in them taking longer to get over breakups. Of course, we will also talk about how NOT to sabotage your mental health when you have just been rejected.
Edited Podcast Transcript:
When it comes to breakups, men have quite a different ‘men’tality than women. It’s cause men’s ability to handle emotions in a healthy way after breakups is as much as their ability to cook a round roti, or do the perfect pirouette.
In fact, psychologist Melanie Schilling, in an interview to Huff Po Australia said that men and women DO process things differently.
Another doctor, Nikki Goldstein adds, “Women have permission to be open and talk about it ... we are allowed to have those moments. If a guy said the same things as a woman when they go through a break-up probably one of the things he will be called will be weak and that is really sad because we have a generation of men who are told to suck it up and get on with it.”
Nateeja? That men actually end up taking longer to get over a relationship.
Which is why, we are going to talk about men, mental health and breakups in this episode of How I Dealt With It. I am Divyani Rattanpal. To chalo, let’s begin.
Okay, so I must confess, I am pretty new to this, considering how I am a woman and all… and how my friend circle has as many men, as there are women in STEM. (ha ha)
Which is why I decided to reach out to Varoon Anand, the director of Unravel, an improv show about mental health, which is exactly what needs to be preserved when you are dealing with a breakup.
Hi Varun. Welcome to the show. Thanks for having me, Divyani.
So what is it about getting rejected that becomes such an easy trigger for a mental health issue?
Varun: So first and foremost, it is about someone telling you that you are not good enough.
It is about insecurities to begin with. I think you are already coming from a place of judging yourself.
D: Men, I get it. Rejection is really difficult for both men and women. But there’s a reason why Indian cinema has Devdas and Dev D as male characters and not female ones. Because, guys can end up doing some pretty self sabotaging things when dealing with breakups.
D: And since we are in conversation with a man, I really want to ask this… what are the five ways in which guys deal with breakups.
Varoon: Getting drunk, ODing at the gym, overeating, going on uncomfortable trips, and the most self sabotaging thing: not telling anyone, and isolating ourselves.
D: Isolating yourselves is something women never do. We often take the whole pack’s help to help us get over someone.
But guys, really dumping yourself into work, or not dealing with your emotions is not a healthy way to deal with a breakup.
Milind Kapoor: We often end up hearing this term: Ey, you are crying for a girl? And I am like, yeah, cause I am not gay and breakups hurt. We are expected not to feel sad or rant about it. I guess it is tougher for men to deal with breakups.
D: And to be honest, the different ways in which men and women behave after a breakup causes a lot of confusion as well. Many women and girls wonder why the man suddenly became so distant. And while one reason could be that the guy was a jerk to begin with, the other could be that he is stuffing all his feelings inside his laundry bag. Which he will obviously ignore for days, sometimes even months, because he doesn’t want to deal with any kind of emotional dirt. And he will open the proverbial dirty laundry only when it begins to stink so much that he can’t breathe!
So men, pls take care of your ‘men’tal health. Take the breakup as a vehicle to improve yourself, acknowledge the humanity of the other person, cherish the good memories, work on improving yourself instead of thinking of ways to hurt the other person. And please, just please, don’t be the next Devdas!
(This is episode 6 of How I Dealt With It, a podcast series about breakups. You can catch the rest of the episodes here!)
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