Settle down, children! Settle down.
(Subramani! STOP DIGGING YOUR NOSE!!)
Okay children, today is your first political kindergarten assembly. In three days’ time, you’ll be shuffled in to your class. You won’t get to go to another class for another five years. You’ll get to meet the only teacher you’ll ever know, who will (or not) wash your bummies and take you for soo-soo, who will (or not) feed you and punish you if you are naughty and who may reward you if you’re good.
Now, before we learn the alphabets, do you want to listen to the alphabet story? Yes? Yes?!
Yay!
The Alphabet Story
A long long time ago (1944), a wise old man (EV Ramasamy) wanted a special country for those he thought were more like him (Dravidians). And so he threw a party and called it DK (Dravida Kazhagam).
Everything was hunky dory for a while. But then one day, Anna (CP Annadurai) decided that the party was no fun. The wise old man married a very young girl (Maniammai, in 1948. He was 70 and she was 30) and this made Anna and his friends very angry. And so he left.
So he threw another party. And as he wondered what to call it, he thought, ‘MMM’..and called it DMK (Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam). Anna actually left because he didn’t want a special country for those he thought were more like him (Dravidans). He thought fewer people were like him (Tamils) and so he was happy with a state in which most people spoke like him. (States were re-organised on linguistic lines in 1956, which he was okay with. He also wanted DMK to be a political party, which the DK was not).
Curly Hair and Chilote Cap Hate Story
When Anna went to sleep (succumbed to cancer on 3 February 1969), millions of people came to say goodnight (over 15 million attended his funeral – a guinness record). And then, Karunanidhi, a curly-haired boy who loves to wear coolers took over the party.
But then, MGR (MG Ramachandran), who was a movie star, didn’t like the party anymore. And curly-haired Karunanidhi didn’t like MGR. He wanted his son (MK Muthu, who was projected as the next DMK leader in a big way) to dance in the party. And so Karunanidhi asked MGR to leave!
MGR Movie Star
And so MGR movie star wore a new cap (a modified Chilote cap) and a new pair of goggles and threw another party! And as he wondered what to call it he thought, ‘AAA…’ and he called it ADMK. When MGR went to sleep, JJ (J Jayalalithaa), who was also a movie star took over the party. She’s now called AMMA.
Soon, you might have to call her Amma too!
Or not. We’ll see.
Party-Pooper Tradition
So children, the story of the political alphabet is all about party poopers. The first pooper was the wise old man (EV Ramasamy), who didn’t like the Congress party. And then came Anna, followed by MGR Movie-star.
So here are some of the other poopers:
Vaiko: Started the MDMK, because Karunanidhi wanted his other son (MK Stalin) to dance in the party, this time.
Vijayakanth: ‘Gapdain’ started the DMDK. He was an action movie star. He wanted in on the action.
S Ramadoss: Started the PMK. Because hey! There was a race party and a language party. It was time for a caste party (he stood for the Vanniyar caste). He was the first caste-based party pooper. Now his son ‘Love Jewel’ (Anbumani) has taken over.
Alphabet Song!
It’s now time to sing the alphabet song! Let’s all sing together!
Hmm, I see you’ve memorised all of the alphabets. Very bad!
That’s okay, you’ve got five years to forget everything except DMK and ADMK!
(Vikram Venkateswaran is a freelance writer, TV producer and media consultant. Headings, titles and captions are his kryptonite. He just moved to Chennai and hopes the city likes him and is nice to him.)
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