Free electricity to half of the electorate!
Free mobile phones and laptops!
Free dhotis, saris and mangalsootras!
FREE corruption!... erm... a corruption-free government!
Instant prohibition!
It’s the season of the Election Manifesto!
What do you do with an election manifesto? No one knows. So, we at The Quint burnt the midnight CFL and came up with the only logical solution... a listicle!
Here are five things as pointless as the Election Manifesto.
A Hairdressr Appointment for Anupam Kher
Booking a hairdressers’ appointment for Anupam Kher.
He’s not going to turn up and it’s going to leave the hairdresser disappointed and feeling intolerant!
A Chihuahua Guard-Dog
Chihuahuas are also called pocket dogs, which can fit on the palm of your hand, which you occasionally fit into your pocket. A Chihuahua guard-dog will not fail to disappoint; Just like the Election Manifesto!
The National Question
Trying to finish your sentence when someone ends the question with –
The country will never know. It will always want to know. But it will never know.
Telling Rakhi Sawant a Joke
When it comes to being seriously funny when she’s serious... she is a SaVant.
Eating Idlis With Tomato Sauce
There is a plethora of choices of sambars and chutneys and podis and other condiments. To believe that it will work is in itself a flawed premise, but to think that one is actually having a traditional breakfast reflects the inherent disconnect that one might have with reality.
If you think of anything more pointless than this listicle, please add to it.
(Vikram Venkateswaran is a freelance writer, TV producer and media consultant. Headings, titles and captions are his kryptonite. He just moved to Chennai and hopes the city likes him and is nice to him.)
(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)