Rakshabandhan – the day red-blooded men in all corners of India dread is finally here. The problem isn’t choosing the perfect gift for a sister they adore. Rather, it’s how to prevent “the one” from becoming a rakhi-sister.
Be it schools, colleges, or offices, men everywhere have a crush on at least one woman. She is the person you want to take to the movies. She is the one you want to dance with, Hrithik-style, in a club. She is your companion of choice when it comes to long, romantic drives. Come Rakshabandhan however, this same woman will tie a red, yellow, or heaven forbid, Spiderman-themed rakhi on your wrist, casually and callously!
Women have turned this cherished festival into something of a weapon. The probability of you falling victim to it this Rakshabandhan is the same as PM Modi delivering a new Mann ki Baat on Sunday.
This is where we come in! Here, you will find five fantastic ideas to stop the woman of your dreams from turning into a rakhi-sister:
Run and Hide!
''The natural human impulse during any disastrous situation is to run and hide so why should rakhi be any different? So when you spot “the one” approaching you, with a deceptively sweet smile and rakhi in tow, RUN!
In this situation, the path away from her is your 100 metre track and you are Usain Bolt.
No matter how frantically she calls out after you, don’t look back. Yes, it might create a temporary strange impression of you in her mind (“Why is this dude running away from me?”) but it is definitely better than being permanently yoked to her as a brother.
You will have plenty more chances to create a good impression in the future. You could even use this opportunity to fess up and say: “I want to be your hero, not your bro.”
On second thoughts, don’t use that cheap line. Come up with your own!
Plaster Up
This is an incredibly useful trick. In schools and colleges, the rakhi fever sets in a day or two before the actual day, so it’s a good idea to be prepared in advance.
You can sweet-talk your nearest doctor into complying with your scheme or bribe him with a bottle of Royal Stag. Just make sure that your entire right arm – from the fingers to the elbow – is closed for business on D-day.
While the sight of your bandaged arm should be enough to keep most rakhi-toting girls away, there are some who will take it upon themselves as a challenge and try to tie the rakhi on top of the plaster. If such a thing happens, let out a volley of moans and groans – as if the pain is unbearable – and frighten her into retreating.
Then, if she insists on tying the rakhi on your left wrist, mutter some balderdash about it being considered as the harbinger of bad luck where you come from.
“My Sister is Super-Possessive”
Now, it’s time to pull out the big guns. Just like boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and wives, sisters can be possessive too. Convince your would-be rakhi-sister how super-possessive your real one is.
Scare her off with tales of sisterly intimidation and end by telling her that it is much wiser to just remain friends.
If she tries to argue that you could just let her tie the rakhi now and remove it as soon as you got home, turn into the most principled version of yourself. Tell her emphatically that you take such commitments VERY seriously and once the rakhi is on your wrist, it will remain there, come hell or high water.
That’s it! Enjoy your victory as she beats a retreat.
Dialogue-Baazi
This, we recommend only to those who have swag to spare. There is a type of boy who can pull off badass film dialogues like they were written for him and not some screen God.
This is a sure-shot way to impress a girl and at the same time convey, in no uncertain terms, exactly what sort of rishta you are interested in.
For example, if she asks you whether you would be her rakhi-brother, ask her this in return: “If I brought a mangalsutra tomorrow, would you be willing to marry me? I have very strong feelings for you but not of the sibling variety.”
If this doesn’t leave her floored, we don’t know what will! But remember, it’s ALL in the delivery.
Any one of these tricks should be enough to keep you out of the bro-zone, unless your luck is really rotten. And since practice makes perfect, we say you give them a whirl before the big day!
(This article was originally published on HindiQuint)
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