Ho ho ho, ’Tis the season of gifting! And while it’s absolutely fabulous to untie bows and packages with your name on it, buying for others is not so much fun. Should you buy them a nice red sweater or their favourite book in hardcover, or maybe the pancake pan they were vying all year over?
The question remains, what will make them the happiest? Because as vexing as shopping for someone else can be, according to several studies giving to others makes us fulfilled and happy – and happier than spending money on ourselves. It activates regions of our brain associated with pleasure and social connection, creating a “warm glow” effect within us.
Here are some hacks for your last minute shopping trips:
Show That You ‘Get’ Them
We all are on the constant lookout to feel that the people in our lives understand us. So when you make the trek to the mall this year, ask yourself this, “What would make them feel understood and cherished?” A friend once got me a dictionary of obscure and lesser-known words and it is one of the gifts I cherish the most because I felt like she really got my love for both words and novelty.
Maybe it’s the latest release by their favourite author – or the whole Bond series in blu-ray. Think about their whimsies and fancies. What makes them, them.
Give Them a Piece of You
One of the aspects of a relationship we value the most is people revealing themselves to us. It makes us feel like we’re important to them. According to research this works brilliantly in gift-giving as well.
Doctors Lara Aknin and Lauren Human found that gifts which reflect the interests and passions of the gift-giver are better received since it conveys intimacy in the relationship. Say, poetry is something you enjoy; so by gifting them a Walt Whitman you’re essentially saying, “This is something I love, and I want to share it with you”. It builds closeness.
(Disclaimer: Please don’t get your wife Sachin Tendulkar’s biography. Remember, balance is key. ALWAYS.)
Get Them Something They Wouldn’t Get Themselves
Maybe your mother will never spend that much on a nice bag for herself, no matter how much she likes it. That would make a good gift since it’s a slice of luxury she would never allow herself.
Or maybe a bright floral scarf for your aunt who’ll only ever wear greys and blacks. It will be a little nudge out of her comfort zone.
The point is to not just focus on what they need – think about what they could want. What would make things exciting? Maybe your aunt will dismiss the scarf at first glance, but at least now she has the option of colour. Think of the novelty!
‘Handmade’ Shows You Care More
Into poetry? Write a sonnet. Learnt calligraphy this year? Write a quote and get it framed. Enjoy baking? Bake them their favourite loaf of cake. The idea is to spend time and effort into the gift rather than just depending on the mall. According to research, “Handmade products might be perceived to contain and transmit the artisan’s essence in the form of his or her love in a way that machine-made products cannot”.
Because a handmade gift requires a lot more out of the giver than just cash, the receiver perceives it as containing a lot more love.
Literally, Gift an Experience
A lot of studies on Consumer and Social Psychology say that although we prefer giving material goods, giving experiential gifts lead to more happiness.
So instead of that expensive watch, look at airline tickets for that long awaited trip to Costa Rico. Think on the lines of cooking classes, tickets to a musical, taking them on a hot-air balloon ride or signing them up for French classes.
When we give experiences, we give them memories and a whole lot of stories to tell.
(Prachi Jain is a psychologist, trainer, optimist, reader and lover of Red Velvets.)
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