Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s Q&As below:
How Much Can My Penis Be Twisted?
I have been really worried about my penis. My boyfriend is very harsh with it. He twists and twirls my penis and it causes immense pain. I am afraid sometimes that it could come off my body. He also sits on it and it is sometimes unable to bear the weight. It pains a lot. But I don’t want to stop him.
You know, with love, comes responsibility. I can understand pain in pleasure, but it should literally not be stretched to a level where there is danger. So please exercise caution. And ask him to exercise elsewhere. Your penis is not his dumbbell. You need to tell him that. Clearly.
Well, as laws of physics go, any object can break if applied adequate pressure. However, since there is no bone in the penis, there is no bone fracture happening here. However, there could be a tissue tear and immense amount of pain along with swelling.
The bottom line is don’t be so mad in love that you give him too much of yourself. Please tell him off. If he loves you, he will respect your body. Give him some rope to pull and do exercises. Your body is no gymnasium.
Will Applying Milk on Male Nipples Make Him a Woman?
I am a 35-year-old bisexual Indian in a relationship with a man for the last 10 years. I presently reside in London. I apply milk on my partner’s nipples every day and lick it. Over the years, I have seen his breasts develop. Is my partner transcending? Also, one day, when I actually didn’t soak his nipples in milk, his nipples still oozed out milk - I guess, as I got the milk-like taste. Will my partner change and become a transgender because of my kink?
Dear Desi Londonwale,
Thank you for sharing so explicitly such intimate details with me. Applying milk on a male breast doesn’t automatically induce the man to produce milk in his breasts. Your partner is probably ageing or is getting plumper and thus you see him develop women-like breasts. In slang, we call it ‘moobs’ (man boobs). It is absolutely normal. Not everyone would have a chiselled body all their lives.
If you got mil- like taste when you licked his nipples it is probably because he hasn’t had a proper bath. Maybe, you should try something else. Like say, showering together or something?
If his breasts are abnormally big and he has some pain there, I suggest that you take him to a doctor for a check up.
And no, just because someone develops more flesh around the nipple area, it doesn’t mean that the person is transgender. Transgenderism is beyond body parts. Your partner can be called a transgender only in one circumstance – when he himself tells you that he is one.
I'm Scared of Being a Mother
I am a 29-year-old woman who has been married for two years now. I have always been fond of children but am petrified by the idea of childbirth considering that the vagina opens up so huge. How do I overcome the fear?
Dear Scared Mom,
At the outset, I would suggest that you speak to a doctor. The information I offer you here may be helpful but I would always advise you to consult a doctor.
Regarding your fears – well, they are justified. I would like to share that the same fears are shared by my sisters and many friends, but they successfully delivered children and could, over time, get over their fears.
Yes, uterine contractions to push out the baby seem tedious and painful, but there are simple breathing exercises that can prepare you for the same. Bringing a life to this world is not going to be easy, but when you discover inner peace and tranquil after realising that you have a whole life breathing inside you, your fears could just transform to something beautiful.
If you would ask for my very personal view - there are enough children in the world who are extremely lovable. Why go through labour and also in return screw the planet?
I’d say – save yourself the labour, ADOPT.
(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to email@example.com)
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)