Do you feel depressed? Do you want to give up? Do you want to shut yourself in your room and not see anyone?
Guess what? Shit happens. That’s life.
Did you think A R Rahman’s life was cake walk because he is an Oscar winner or that Deepika Padukone has a dream life? She is breathtakingly beautiful, famous and rich after all?
In his authorised biography Rahman says, “I felt hopeless and I often wondered how I was going to get out of all that”. But 1989 was a turning point in his life when his mother sold all the gold jewellery kept aside for the marriage of his sisters. Rahman says, “With that money I bought my first Fostex 16-track mixer/recorder. All those years of struggle, humiliation, being bossed around by other people, seeing worry on the faces of my family members, the lack of self-esteem, and at times even fighting suicidal thoughts – all that seemed to fade away. Sitting in the music studio that night, staring at my new recorder, I felt like a king.”
Deepika recently mentioned how she was depressed following the death of a close friend. Many famous people who seem to have it all have had their difficult times. Some reveal some don’t.
I was pretty young when Divya Bharti’s death made news. I loved her in the limited number of films she did. She had spunk, I thought. It upset me when Kuljeet Randhawa, Nafisa Joseph and Viveka Babajee ‘died’ as well. I never had the chance to meet these young women or interview them despite being a film journalist.
However, I feel for them and for every one of us who leaves the comforts of home to follow our dreams and ends up battling loneliness. Despite the struggle, there is no spectacular success, no stardom.
It could have been any of us in their place. That deep, dark place that makes us contemplate such a drastic step is painful and depressing. But it is never the end.
I wonder if their friends were kind to them. Did they notice the signs? Were those casting directors and directors polite while refusing roles? Did they make demands from them that they didn’t want to fulfil and pushed them into further depression? Were their boyfriends cruel to them? Was the media kind to them when they failed?
These thoughts make me want to be careful about the way I treat people.
These people were famous and perhaps that’s why their death made “news”. What about the underbelly of Bollywood? The many unknowns who give up on life every day?
I hear tales of fraud and withheld payments. And of course, ‘unsavoury’ requests. We’ve all heard the stories. For those of us, alone in a city trying to make our mark, we need to be much stronger than that. The world can be a kind place if we make it one.
And then, do we have the courage to ask for help when we need it? Or the humility to give ourselves to a higher power? If our dreams are unrealistic, can we be brave enough to embrace failure and find a new and more achievable dreams?
The moment suicidal thoughts come: back off, surround yourself with family and close friends. Go make a film about yourself. Put it on YouTube. There is so much to be done, so many ways to “GET THERE”. Read about people who have made it big. Most of them have seen bad days and emerged stronger. Promise to take care of yourself. Stay happy. Stay positive.
Years later, you will laugh at the problems that seem so bad now. But you need to get there. It’s not hard. It’s all in your mind. You can find the will to cross that deep, dark space and get to the light...and not just survive but live.
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