Just last week, I ventured into the cosmetic section of a leading retail outlet, here in South Kolkata, only to be rudely told by the attendant, “You are starting to show crow’s feet… how old are you?”
I was in the middle of checking out a bright red lip colour when I casually answered, “You should never ask a woman her age. Anyway, I’m 37.” The lady was shocked. “You don’t look 37. But, the signs of ageing have started! (The horror.) What’s your skin regime? What tightening serum do you use? An under-eye cream will take care of the fine lines…”
Honestly, by this time I felt like a Bollywood actress – Kalki, Kajol, or maybe, even, the lesser known, Ira Dubey. I mean, skin regime? What’s with that word and starry associations? Why the confusing signals? Is ageing fashionable, because we have some allegedly 30 plus B-town damsels (who somehow never progress beyond the big 3-0) endorsing the reversibility of ageing, by the use of cosmetics and chemicals? That motherhood is taxing and can cause ugly stretch marks, unless you are Madhuri Dixit or Shilpa Shetty?
Does Bollywood Have Enough Grey-Haired Icons?
But what if the truth is different! Bloody stark, superficial and scary. “I nearly died when I spotted my first grey pubic hairs a few months ago while getting ready to shave before a second date. Colouring the hair on my head was tough enough. After all, I’m 38. But, now this! What if the men begin noticing it? Have you seen these 20-somethings! So freaking thin! Do you think my boobs are also sagging?” a girlfriend breathlessly lamented to me.
That women all over the world struggle with body image is not new, but what is alarming is how, despite options like cosmetic surgery, air-brushing, Botox and liposuction, we continue to grow more and more insecure of our looks, over the years.
And honestly, popular culture ain’t helping either. I mean who are our grey-haired icons? Jaya Bachchan? Even Hema Malini is looking better as she ages, as is Madhuri, and Sridevi is getting thinner by the hour... and let’s not even get into her nose-looking-like-Michael Jackson debate! Going under the knife, starving themselves, killing it in the gym, nose jobs and lip tucks... Here’s a thought – what if ageing is a competitive sport, where there are no prizes for runners-up? What if all this yummy mummy business is just a deceptively packaged, self-imposed, gruelling regime of gruelling punishment? Ever think of that?
You are on magazine covers if you look good, still. Period.
Kate Winslet’s Constant Battle Against Photoshopping
Recently, Oscar winning actress Kate Winslet spoke up against unrealistic beauty standards and also bravely inserted a no touch-up clause in her modelling contract with cosmetic giant L’Oreal.
Winslet has always revolted against excessive ‘touching up’. In 2003, she complained about GQ reducing the width of her legs “by about a third”. In 2013, Vogue heavily airbrushed her face in a cover photo.
We have a responsibility to the younger generation of women. I think they do look to magazines, I think they do look to women who’ve been successful in their chosen careers. I would always want to be telling the truth about who I am to that generation because they’ve got to have strong leaders. We’re all responsible for raising strong young women.
– Kate Winslet
Winslet is the second actress to be vocal against photoshopping – after 19-year-old Zendaya who caused a stir after calling out a fashion magazine for slimming her hips and torso.
What If We Just Owned the Skin We Are In?
Ageing is not a choice we have – and yet all of us have forsaken our so-called feminist ‘headstrongness’ to invest in purchasing Spanx online, or splurging on that MAC studio fix foundation or dabbing B&B creams over our necks and mouths, and staring squint-eyed at the fine lines we inwardly fear. Whether vanity and empowerment are mutually exclusive are debatable – but what is not is this constant need for validation. From men, from mothers-in-law, from our children, and mostly – from members of our own sex.
What if we just accepted the fact that ageing is simply overrated – like virginity – and decided that like men, our sex drive and sensuality can only grow and evolve as we add more years? What if we just owned the skin we are in?
(The writer is an ex lifestyle editor and PR vice president, and now a full-time novelist and columnist on sexuality and gender, based in Delhi. She is the author of ‘Faraway Music’ and ‘Sita’s Curse’. Her third book ‘You’ve Got The Wrong Girl’ is out next.)
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