'Adolescence' Tells You Everything That's Gone Wrong in Raising Teen Boys Today

(Trigger warning: Mentions of violence against women, misogynist ideologies) The first episode of the Netflix drama ‘Adolescence’ gives you mere minutes to adjust to its setting in an idyllic suburb before it springs into action – multiple police officers use a battering ram to swarm a house and arrest a suspect. Jamie Miller (Owen Cooper), a thirteen-year-old boy, is arrested on suspicion of murder. His parents are distraught, repeating some iteration of “he's a child” and “he's thirteen” over and over again. The suspect in question is a timid boy reduced to tears and panicked gasps. It's difficult to imagine a world where a child could be capable of such violence but throughout its four-episode arc, the show hones in on exactly why anyone believing that is mistaken. In custody, he is subjected to multiple rounds of questioning – “How do you feel about women?” “If you had a girlfriend, where would you take her on a date?” These seemingly innocuous, if not bordering on seemingly inappropriate, questions form the entire crux of the investigation and the story the show is trying to tell. Or perhaps ‘trying to tell’ is not an adequate statement because this show’s purpose is not just to ‘tell’ but to ‘highlight’ a terrifying reality. A somber reality unravels over screenshots from his Instagram account and a visit to his school – terms like the ‘red pill theory' and the ‘manosphere’ find their way into the conversation. Jamie leaves “aggressive” comments about female models on the app, a classmate says he'll “never find love” under his own. The third episode, featuring a conversation with a psychologist Briony, is the most claustrophobic and eerie of the four. So far, it was the study of a boy’s life on the internet and now it's become a study into his capacity for rage and violence. Every time Briony hits a nerve, he flies off the handle in rage and there, clear as day, in the things he says and the way he tries to tower over Briony are the undercurrents of misogyny. “Did I scare you when I shouted? I'm only thirteen. I don't think I look that scary. How embarrassing is that? Getting scared of a 13-year-old,” he mocks after a particularly worrying outburst. Briony is clearly rattled by the entire ordeal – it’s obvious this is not her first rodeo, she’s clearly skilled at her job – it’s not the ‘act’ that scares her, it’s the implications. The implication that a thirteen-year-old boy is not only capable of such violence but speaks of it with little understanding of what was lost in the process. Shows like Adolescence aren’t saying anything new – it reflects a reality we’ve long known (and one some conveniently choose to ignore). The internet has always been a terrifying and dangerous place for young women – and the rise of the ‘manosphere’ has only made it worse. The manosphere is not a new phenomenon – it’s been around since the late 2000s. It refers to a group of online communities that promote anti-feminist rhetoric and shallow (often harmful) ideas of masculinity. It extends to a disdain for women, trans, and non-binary people. In the past few years, the term ‘incel’ has re-entered the lexicon for the same reason – the manosphere attracts involuntary celibates (incels), men’s rights activists (MRAs), and pick-up artists (PUA), among other groups. The broad idea is to ‘teach’ men how to ‘attract’ women but, more often than not, these teachings rely on archaic gender roles and push men to believe that they must be unfeeling, stoic ‘alphas’ to get a woman’s attention. This idea then branches out into other similar rhetoric – it paints all women as calculating, conniving people, out to ‘exploit’ men and points at feminism as the root cause of all that is wrong in society as we see it. Most of these conversations are united by the ‘red pill theory' – a phrase you’ll often hear in the show. The theory derives its name from The Matrix – the red pill vs blue pill concept is perhaps one of the show’s most long-standing cultural contributions. In the film, the red pill is meant to awaken one to the truth, seemingly concealed by nefarious entities, and the blue pill keeps you in a place of blissful ignorance.This concept has been co-opted by the manosphere to present that feminism is gunning for a society that subjugates men, ignoring the movement’s attempts at creating a world that functions on equality and equity.For the ‘red pill men’, taking the ‘red pill’ means awakening to a world where they reject this ‘evil’, dismissing any arguments against their ‘theories’ as people not seeing the truth. For instance, despite multiple wildlife biologists having dropped the use of the term ‘alpha’, finding it an inaccurate description for wolf packs, the damaging ideas of a ‘alpha-beta’ male still exist. Over the past year, I’ve had multiple friends bring up concerns about the shift in their younger brothers’ behaviour – “He’s never talked about women this way before,” one friend pointed out. They were all sure the behaviour wasn’t something the young boys were reflecting from people in their family – there was only one clear answer. These online communities endorse hateful narratives against women by weaponising the way patriarchy has adversely affected men. When Jamie talks about these ‘truth groups’, he clarifies that he doesn’t believe in them but it’s clear that the conversations from the manosphere have had a damaging effect on his self-esteem. When asked why he thinks his classmates ‘liked’ his female classmate's comment implying he’s an ‘incel’ and ‘won’t find love’, he says it’s because he’s ‘the ugliest’. “Don’t you like me a bit? What do you think about me then?" Jamie screams as Briony ends their session – it’s an outburst waiting to happen from the way he seems overly interested in her opinion of him throughout the session.Stephen Graham, who wrote the show with Jack Thorne, told Netflix,“One of our aims was to ask, ‘What is happening to our young men these days, and what are the pressures they face from their peers, from the internet, and from social media?’ And the pressures that come from all of those things are as difficult for kids here as they are the world over.”Stephen GrahamWhat makes the manosphere even more dangerous is that it is clearly appealing to an alarming number of men – for them, these online spaces are support groups.Andrew Tate’s popularity is just one evidence of that appeal. And this appeal is a direct consequence of patriarchy, the same societal structure feminism is attempting to dismantle. It’s no surprise that patriarchy pushes men into a ‘role’ in society too – they must be the breadwinner, they must be attractive and successful, they must never cry or be vulnerable, and they must have a sexual partner. The inability to adhere to any of these criteria is considered less masculine.But instead of saying, “Hey, we understand that rejection can hurt. We understand that this can be stressful, here’s how you can feel better,” these ‘support groups’ say, “Women are the problem and if you become a hyper-masculine man, you can restore world order, and they’ll come flocking.”They exploit the grievances of men to fit into a misogynist narrative – like the 80-20 theory that suggests that 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. Yet, there’s much evidence to the contrary. The most obvious is the rise of the ‘men written by women’ trope where male characters are considered attractive by women because they’re compassionate, vulnerable, and possess emotional intelligence. ‘Men written by women’ rarely ever have any of the characteristics of the manosphere’s definition of an ‘alpha male’.A 2023 study – ‘Exiting the Manosphere. A Gendered Analysis of Radicalization, Diversion and Deradicalization Narratives from r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill’ by Joshua Thoburn – looks into the experiences of men who have left the manosphere while exploring what drew them in in the first place. Loneliness and low self-esteem are prominent catalysts, and these insecurities are only reinforced by the manosphere’s hyper masculine narratives.It’s a direct consequence of a patriarchal society that sees ‘asking for help’ as a weakness – men are less likely to access therapy, they’re less likely to open up to their friends. Even the term ‘incel’ was meant to be a community of support but has now been co-opted into a violent ideology. A woman started the Involuntary Celibacy Project for people struggling to form loving relationships. The forum became a place where everyone, regardless of gender, could speak about their experiences and their feelings of loneliness. Thorne told BBC Radio 4’s programme Front Row that the writers wanted to ‘look into the eye of male rage’. In the third episode, Jamie exhibits traits that directly reflect some of the more harmful beliefs propagated by the manosphere – when a young girl’s photographs are circulated in school, he considers asking her out because she’s ‘weak’, even though he insists he didn’t like her. He talks about how he ‘could’ve touched her’ because he had a knife, but he didn’t. And, in his head, that makes him ‘better’ than other boys. This too isn’t an isolated phenomenon. During the rise of the #MeToo movement, the phrase ‘not all men’ caught traction on social media, especially with men’s rights activists. Its sole objective was to position oneself as ‘better than the other men’, and hence, absolve themselves of any responsibility of addressing and tackling the prevalence of sexual violence in our society. It’s especially telling that any men who support the #MeToo movement are either called ‘simps’ or told ‘nahi degi’ (an incredibly crass way to suggest that women won’t sleep with him). These trolls can’t wrap their head around a man simply wanting to support a woman or wanting to form a mutually respectable, empathetic relationship with one. Combine that with an ideology that presents women solely as sexual conquests and you have the kind of ideology that leads to fatal real-world consequences, more often than not affecting women and young girls. In Adolescence, Jamie isn’t the only one on trial, metaphorically speaking. His arrest throws his family into disarray – while they all grieve, they can’t begin to fathom that Jamie is capable of such an act. In conversations with Jamie, his father (played by Graham) often comes up. The intent is clear – Briony wants to understand what a ‘man’ looks like for Jamie and the primary male role model in his life inevitably affects that understanding. Jamie speaks of his father’s attempts at making him more ‘sporty’ – one can’t shake off the feeling that Jamie, till the show’s end, holds his father’s opinion of him in high regard. Not only that – as a young boy, his father is the person in his family he trusts the most and will naturally be the person he emulates. He speaks of his father’s anger – something his mother brings up later in a poignant conversation between husband and wife. He speaks of his father’s perceived disappointment. In the last episode, this entire conversation is summarised in a talk between Jamie’s parents Eddie and Manda. His dad talks of his own father’s violence, and how he wished to break the cycle, and the scene becomes a painful reminder of how heartbreaking it must be for a man like that to watch his son hurt another. Both father and son are left feeling like they didn’t do enough for the other.In an ideal world, this would’ve been a conversation they should have had with each other – one that would have helped – but that would be a world where vulnerability would have to be considered a strength. A world where men were encouraged to talk to people, reach out if they ever felt afraid or inadequate.At the same time, Eddie is a product of his circumstances – much like Jamie, he too has his moments of rage, frequently brought on by a feeling of him losing control. He is one of the show's most tragic characters – a man so burdened by grief and responsibility that he can't conceive a way out. Every time, Manda is by his side – sometimes pushing back, sometimes placating. And that’s what makes Adolescence such a compelling and harrowing watch. In a way, it taps into the fear young girls, women and other marginalised communities deal with every day – the reality that ‘violence’ isn’t just a distant concept but something that they could have to confront at any time. Graham was inspired to tell the story after he heard of an incident where a young boy allegedly stabbed a girl. “It shocked me. I was thinking, ‘What’s going on? What’s happening in society where a boy stabs a girl to death? What’s the inciting incident here?’ And then it happened again, and it happened again, and it happened again."Stephen Graham to NetflixAnd he’s right. Instances of attacks against young women are unnervingly common. In 2021, 12-year-old Ava White was fatally stabbed in Liverpool by a 14-year-old boy. Indian media reported two cases of similar attacks on 15 and 16 May 2024. Then another in February 2025. All were cases of young women attacked allegedly for rejecting a man’s advances. Adolescence is an important show – and it helps that it’s jam-packed with hauntingly brilliant performances. From Erin Doherty’s turn as Briony and Christine Tremarco’s heartbreaking portrayal as Jamie’s mother to Stephen Graham who plays Jamie’s dad and Amélie Pease as who plays his sister Lisa. Then there’s Owen Cooper – the absolute star of the show.The technical prowess – every episode plays out in a single shot – and the impeccable sound design all contribute to making it one of the best shows in the streaming space. But it’s the story that it’s telling that stands out the most. With every episode, Graham’s words echo in a viewer’s mind – ‘How have we come to this?’ Netflix's 'Baby Reindeer' Is a Candid Portrayal Of Male Sexual Victimisation

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'Adolescence' Tells You Everything That's Gone Wrong in Raising Teen Boys Today

It's hard to fathom a child being accused of such violence. The show tells you why anyone assuming that is mistaken.

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Topics: Misogyny Adolescence