In a recent tell-all interview with Femina, Shah Rukh Khan revealed two things about himself that I was hitherto unaware of: his bungalow ‘Mannat’ is home to an impressive collection of books; and that the man himself is a pretty stand-up dad. My interest was piqued; I wanted to know more about this man and his books. Who was this man who read Bryson, Murakami and Ghalib in his (precious little) free time?
As I read further, I found that there was much to admire in the man: he sounded like a supportive, practical father with big dreams for his daughter Suhana.
I want her to feel attractive, beautiful and respected, and more importantly, I want her to work hard. There are days when I feel down – the only reason I get up and go to work is when I think of her. I have only one mandate where she’s concerned: She can act, but she has to study first.Shah Rukh Khan to Femina
It also felt good to hear one of the country’s most influential men say that his sons enjoyed no special privileges simply because they were men. And because it came from a man who contributed significantly towards making stalking a Bollywood stereotype (remember Darr?), this was very, very good news...
... Until he ruined it by bringing chivalry into the picture.
Oh! How the Mighty Have Fallen!
Yes, but equality should not be an excuse to lose your chivalry. I tell Aryan that tu-tadak is unacceptable when he’s addressing a girl. ‘Tu pizza le aa’, ‘tu idhar aa’ is not how you address women.
And this is where you lost me, Shah Rukh Khan. It is with a slightly broken heart that I must confide in you: Traditional chivalry flies in the face of equality. When a man is taught to hold doors open for women or pull out chairs for them, the implicit message is that they are incapable of doing it themselves, regardless of what you think.
Personally, I love it when a man holds open a door for me. I’d love it even more if he held the door open for everyone, irrespective of their gender, because it is a polite, respectful thing to do. I also hope that as an able-bodied young woman, I have held open doors for people of all genders and ages when the occasion demanded it.
My point is, chivalry is not a man’s duty and a woman’s right. It is as much a lesson for Aryan as it is for Suhana, and as much a lesson for me as it is for my brother.
“I Believe Women Should Be More Than Us”
Why, pray? In a country where women face a very real threat of sexual violence just by virtue of being out of doors, and where we are somehow responsible for the assault that we have faced, equality is already a very long way off. There is absolutely no need to place us on pedestals; we are erring, fallible beings of flesh and blood, just like our fellow man.
All we ask is that you help us create an environment that is safe, happy and enabling for people of all genders. Close the wage gap, encourage the education of young women, help eradicate the stigma around menstruation – you get the idea.
Also, a patriarchal society is oppressive because it is inherently hierarchical. In a new world order, if women are “more” than men, I’m sorry to break it to you, Mr Khan, nothing will change. We will simply replace one lousy social order with another. The problem will remain, because hierarchy remains.
The only way we can solve the problem is if we abolish this hierarchy once and for all. And that is why, Shah Rukh Khan, we feminists want equality.
(With interview excerpts from Femina)
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