(Jyoti Kapoor is a Mumbai based screenwriter who recently won a case of plagiarism against filmmaker Kunal Kohli in the Supreme Court. Kapoor fought a legal battle for almost a year involving the Film Writers Association, the High Court and finally the Supreme Court. Kohli has been asked to settle the case by paying Rs 25 lakhs to Kapoor and also giving her a story credit in his upcoming film ‘Phir Se’.)
I was in a meeting with the Creative Head of one of the top production houses of our industry recently. I was totally overwhelmed about finally getting a chance to get that meeting after having waited for almost a decade.
So I narrate two stories of mine, the gentleman likes them and asks me to share them with him. I happily agree to this, trying to contain my excitement. I have waited so long for this!
“But you have to sign a release form”, he says. “You know, which says that if we are already working on something that is similar to what you are sharing, you cannot sue us in the future” (or something to that effect). The grim look on my face tells him that I am perhaps not comfortable signing any such document. “Arre it’s okay. It’s just a formality, only to make sure that some loony doesn’t file a case against us”. I can’t stop smiling. “Arre there are all kinds of loonies out there, nothing personal against you”, he adds trying to make me comfortable.
I pause, take a quick call on whether to make the grand revelation or not and I decide to go with the full and final disclosure. “You do know you’re talking to one of those loonies?” I ask him.
“Arre baba, I was talking about those complaining types, nothing against you baba,” he reiterates with a rather genuine smile. I figure he is unaware of the copyright case I have been fighting and made that remark very innocently. And so I spill the beans. Tell him about my ongoing case that I have been fighting against a famous director who stole my script. And there’s silence! That uncomfortable, ghostly silence!
“Oh! You are that Jyoti…errr” he says clearing his throat. “Yes, I am that Jyoti. I am a certified loony now,” I smile. And we both laugh. In the next few minutes the poor guy tries to make up for the faux pas and feels genuinely sorry for what he said. Some small talk and a cup of tea later, we shake hands and I leave.
I hail an auto when I step out. The auto guy refuses, hurling abuses at the last customer who duped him. Loony! I think and walk away. On my way back I dissect the meeting I just had. Will he never call me back? Maybe he will! It was a sweet interaction after all and I doubt that he will change his mind because of my ‘loony’ status. I hope he won’t. That fear comes back. The fear of being judged!
The fact that, that’s how people who raise their voices are perceived in Bollywood (or anywhere for that matter) saddens me. The fear of being perceived as a troublemaker stops a lot of us from fighting back.
Work is as it is difficult to come by when you are a freelance writer. You have bills to pay, rents to take care of, children to plan, movies to watch every Friday (err, maybe a Monday because weekend shows are expensive as hell) and on top of that, create; create stories that you badly want to tell. And any kind of fear hampers your creativity. You have to stay focused. You can’t afford to lose your sanity. It will show in your work otherwise. And the fact that you are already aware of it, is in itself a scary thought.
As it is, we, as writers live with the fear of rejection (of our work) all our lives, which isn’t necessarily bad. Insecurity keeps us on our toes and that internal struggle is a part of our writing process, irrespective of how successful you become.
What gets to you are those unproductive fears. The fear of not getting work, the fear of not getting paid, the fear of being robbed of your credit, the fear of being perceived as a troublemaker, the fear of being labelled and the worst fears of all – the helplessness of living with this humiliation and taking it lying down. It’s not humanly possible to park your ass and write when your mind is constantly in a panic mode, ready to explode.
So you really have to make choices. Either you bury all these fears deep down, so deep that they can not raise their ugly heads OR...
Confront them, kill them once and for all so you can look at yourself in the mirror and not feel sad for yourself, so you can sit with a cup of adrak chai in your worn out shorts and write as if there’s no one judging you, no one labelling you, no one ready to take it away from you; that which is rightfully yours!
(Arranged by Priyanka Jain)
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