RSS & Sons: Easily Offended, Dramatic and Illogical Since 1925

Harish Iyer draws a parallel between the RSS and Fawad Khan’s nosey, overdramatic mother in ‘Kapoor & Sons’

Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t watched Kapoor & Sons yet, there might be spoilers in this article.

I finally watched Kapoor & Sons and boy has our darling KJo finally delivered! Yes, the spunky, sassy and multi-talented filmmaker finally gained his rightful place as a part of our rainbow community with this Shakun Batra film.

This film is not a classic, but I would give full marks to Johar and Batra for showing an absolutely kissable, likeable, huggable and stereotypically heterosexual looking Fawad Khan as a gay man. For all the subtlety, the ‘I love you’ over the phone, the unreciprocated lip-to-lip kiss with Alia Bhatt, Fawad just keeps dropping hints about his sexuality albeit without even the mention of the word ‘gay’ in the entire film. It is unstated, understated and understood by those who seek a deeper understanding of the storyline.

But of course, for those who need everything to be stated explicitly, the film would leave them wondering “What does this elder bro tell his younger bro? What does he mean by – I am not interested in any girl? WTF was that?”

RSS would take offence and say “All that’s single, is not gay dude – that’s Brahmachari bro! The boy from border ke us paar, is playing the character of a Bhramachari. Like many of our leaders – all Bhrahmacharis – you know?”

But just like Kapoor & Sons, where the mother (and also the mother of overstated theatrical emotions and strange expressions) Ratna Pathak Shah reluctantly accepts her son eventually, RSS too has also softened its stand on homosexuality. They no longer want homosexuals to be jailed.

Dattatreya Hosabale, wants us treated by mental health professionals instead. Now while this might strike someone in the west as plain offensive (as it should), it actually led to a tsunami of celebrations across online queer groups. I mean, do we have it so bad that we celebrate when someone tells us that we are people with psychological disorders, but we should not be jailed?

Coming back to the movie, Fawad is a good boy. Besides being smoking hot, he smokes up with his bro, is dutiful, walks his dog and has a devoted partner. His being gay is absolutely inconsequential. Well, replace the fact that he hid his sexuality from his nosey mother with some other act that could constitute as blasphemous in the conservative Indian context. For example, a Hindu boy had a secret marriage with a Muslim girl, or a girl from another caste or community. The reactions could have been the same. The same is the case with RSS and sons since 1925 – easily offended, unscientific, illogical and full of drama.

The film also speaks about the maa-ki-mamta. Ratna plays someone who screams and spies on her sons. In India, we don’t respect people’s privacy. Whether it is the laptop or the mobile phone – if it belongs to an adult, you have no right to peep into it. It is totally off limits.

Sex and sexuality are private matters. We forget that we have given birth to not just a child but a living person, with progesterone or testosterone that will be acting and reacting with time as per the person’s physiological and emotional makeup. The mother, or the RSS-ified glorious phrase ‘mother nation’ should have nothing to say about personal liberties and personal right over your body and emotions, as long as it is about consensual adults in private.

What I really appreciate about the film is also what I am sceptical about. Funny. I really love the fact that Fawad’s character in the film is not the cliché effeminate character that’s a painful stereotype, but in the same vein, I would like to reinforce that even the effeminate gay guy, who speaks with his arm twisted is a part of my community too. I see no shame in him being represented the way he is. What I am opposed to is painting all gay men with one brush. We are as vibrant, diverse, kind, unkind, ugly and smart as everyone else, there is no single prototype.

Now speaking about fact and not fiction, about acceptance… seriously darlings, there is nothing really bad in India as yet. I mean, no one has gotten into our houses and dug out LGBT persons like the Nazi’s smoked out Jews. I can write this article without using a pseudonym. I have kissed a guy I was dating at Bandstand, Bandra. We were one homo couple in the midst of 10 hetero couples, who were almost having sex with their clothes on. No one really cared.

But that doesn’t in any way negate the other India that we live in...the India where extortion cases are the norm. Also, laws should have a remedial system. We can’t leave a lacuna in the law just because no one has really reported it. We need to change. Things need to change in India.

So, I’ll say this Mr Hosabale, you have taken a step forward and we appreciate it. You have made an ignorant comment about the mental health of gay people, but we are ready to help you understand us. See, we gay people don’t like conflict and violence. So we thank you and hope that you let us reach out to you and others in the RSS and sensitise you to ground realities, so we can move forward together.

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals. ‘Rainbow Man’ is Harish’s regular blog for The Quint)