Dear India, This Armchair Critic Loves You, But Feels Endangered

This armchair critic is very critical about India. Read what Stutee Ghosh has to say to India.

Stutee Ghosh is a winner of the India Radio Forum Best RJ award. A film critic @thequint. Voice artist. Idle writer. When not in a mood to smile her weapon of choice - sarcasm!

   

   

Dear India,
     
Hope this letter finds you sailing in the boat of unbridled patriotism and love. You my dear, a country of more than a billion people, are bursting at your seams as you pander to our many tantrums and demands. We truly appreciate it and therefore, as a token of our deep gratitude, we have busied ourselves trying to look for an “Incredible India” brand ambassador for you ASAP. On a scale of 0 to award wapsi, the contenders are many. Here’s hoping the best one wins.
     
Before I continue I must introduce myself. I am an armchair critic. My tribe has a long history of commenting on you and your whereabouts with a chilling cynicism that is our trademark. Our ancestors liked to find a nice spot on a fence and crib about you. We, the new generation torchbearers, tweet. Our news feeds, FB walls and timelines are obsessed about you. Our social media rants decide the burning questions on the 9pm news bulletins – where some more members of our tribe talk over each other. That is until another pressing issue demands the services of our gift of the gab.
     
Armchair critics love you, dear India. You let us crib and joke and taunt you. I, in particular, am all praise for your patience and secretly admire your grit in not surrendering yourself to any one loony group.
     
But today, our golden days seem long gone. We are no longer safe in what we do! We have been uprooted from our familiar habitat of doing nothing but talk and fear extinction. We have been confronted by a gnawing desire to “act”. This feeling is extremely alien to us. But your growing parochialism, caste politics, card-carrying patriotism and politicians masquerading as aam admis are stifling us no end.
     
It’s difficult to just talk and not act when my choice of food and clothes and language and faith must be sent for testing to your Patriotism Analysis and Testing Laboratory. The result parameters vary depending upon which medical school is conducting the test. It’s utter confusion – particularly after the introduction of the “Intolerance” blood test.

You must, dear India, do something. I understand you take great pride in the diversity of the IQ and EQ of your citizens – but no nation can be great where its armchair critics feel endangered.

Please streamline the process so that “your” true spokesperson can stand up – whom we will then summarily shut down, as is the wont of our Armchair Critic Association.

Looking forward to your assistance.

Your cynical armchair critic,

 Stutee Ghosh  

 

Audi India is proud to be a part of India’s progressive growth and salutes the spirit of India.

( Do you ever feel like talking to India? Yes, perfect. This is your chance to write to her to tell her how you feel about her. You could be bitchy, angry, happy, emotional or spoofy. But if your answer is No – nevermind, there is always a beginning. Let’s start here. Send us what you want to tell your India and we will publish it. Don’t be shy, just say it all. Mail us your letter at [e-mail] . We’ll ensure India gets your message.)