People who know me know for a fact that I am particularly bad with dates. However, there are some dates that you simply can’t forget.
The Dreadful Day
It was on 27 May 2006 that the CBSE decided to announce my Class XII exam results. At about 9 am, my father switched on our desktop to check my results. Half-an-hour went by and the site wouldn’t load. At 9:30 am, my father called me and said – “Yeh dekho kya ho gaya (See what happened)”.
I saw that I had failed my chemistry exam. Till date, I have no recollection of the 15 minutes that passed after I saw my results. But the next three months would be the worst phase of my life. While all my close friends had scored over 80 percent and made it to prestigious institutions like IIT, NIT and BITS, I just locked myself in a room.
The Aftermath
Within minutes of having viewed my results, theories/information/myths started flooding in. “You won’t be allowed to sit for campus placement; you won’t get admission in engineering; banks won’t allow you to sit for hiring exams; your marksheet will have a ‘C’ on it...” and so on. The funniest of them all was: “No smart girl will ever marry you”. It got to me. I will admit there were times I contemplated suicide, but somewhere, my will to fight overpowered my feelings of disappointment.
The world saw me in a different light. Most friends stopped talking to me – one of them told me I was “finished”. I went into clinical depression. I ate all the time. In the three months after the results, I gained 15 kg. My only companions were two other boys who failed Class XII. We would call ourselves – ‘Losers United’.
I still shiver in horror as I recount those events.
The Fightback
Over the next few years, I worked really hard and followed my passion. I made it to a reputed engineering college and hustled my way through with the support of friends, family and mentors. I kept failing. But each time, I got up again. Eventually, my Class XII results began to lose their relevance. I got a job and enrolled for a postgraduate course.
The Present
God has really been kind to me. I now have two post graduate degrees – one from Ashoka University and the other from the University of Oxford. And till date, no one has really asked me about my Class XII results. Today, I have my own set of struggles, but my Class XII results aren’t one of them.
As for ‘Losers United’ – one of them is a pilot with Jet Airways, and the other just appeared for his IAS interview. I ended up marrying a girl way smarter than I am.
The Advice
If you’ve read this far, all I have to say is – DO NOT lose hope. This result is important today, but that won’t be the case tomorrow. Speak to people, but don’t lose heart. Don’t worry, no matter what your results are, they do not don't define you. Your parents will always be there for you! All the best.
(Ambesh Tiwari is an alumnus of the University of Oxford, and a media professional who is a recipient of the prestigious Young India Fellowship. He tweets at @Ambesh Tiwari. This is a personal blog and the views expressed above are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for the same.)
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