5 Bollywood Ways To Shut Up Verbal Abusers

Thanks Bollywood for giving us 5 ways to shut up a verbal abuser.

Shut them up like a boss. (Photo: The Quint) 

Albert Pinto ko gussa kyun aata hai?
Please go ahead and raise your hand if you have come across a verbally violent Pinto at least once in your life. These guys can go rabid over ANYTHING – parking space; no seat in the metro; targets not met in office; spilled water; pillow not being soft! They need the slightest reason to fly off the handle and go batsh*t crazy.

Flight or fight? Nah, get inspired from Bollywood.

But if you have suffered at the hands of such ugly king kongs, then please note that jaise kanoon ke haath lambe hote hain waise hi Bollywood ke paas sab cheez ke jawaab hote hain.
And here is my 5-step plan to keep your sh*t together when faced with a verbal abuser, but fair warning – your mental health will be questioned:

1. Ramsay Brothers To The Rescue

If the Pinto catches hold of you to let loose his/her tongue, then let out a high-pitched scream as if you have spotted one of them Ramsay movies’ ghosts. The scream should have some sonic capability to throw off your abuser. So start practising.

2.Take Cue From Bollywood Heroines

When you anticipate an episode of mindless shouting coming your way, start batting your eyelids. A) it’s a good exercise for your eyes; B) it effectively confuses the abuser.

3. Break Into A Chi Chi Boogie

Pick your favourite Govinda step and now just keep repeating it till you’ve heard ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing’ at least 5 times, then quietly exit the room. Boom!

4. Do A Nana

You know the laugh. You know it! So do the ‘Nana’ and throw around a few ‘accha hai, accha hai’ and slap your head couple of times for the desired effect. How will this help you? Bro, people know stuff be serious when they hear the ‘Nana’ laugh.

5. Show Them Some ‘Prem’

Indulge the Pinto with some childhood memories by suddenly breaking into a clapping game. Who says verbal abusers can’t have fun? Tic Tac Toe anyone?

Go ahead and give this a shot, you have nothing to lose except for some credibility. But then, you’re not trying to compete with a verbal abuser in a popularity contest.