How Many Gossipmongers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Let’s see if you can answer this riddle.

Does the bulb need changing? 

(Photo: The Quint/Erum Gour) 

None. The bulb did not need changing. It was mere gossip.

Clearly, this was the wrong kind of gossip to indulge in. And yes, there is, arguably, a right (no pun intended) kind.

TL;DR: Are Alia and Ranbir dating?

Before I get to all of that, a short prelude: Gossip, they say, is the “Devil’s Radio”.

It travels in packs, converses in hushed whispers, and arms you with intel that makes you feel like a part of the all-inclusive gossip mafia. Do not, even for a second, believe in the wily ones who proudly tell you that they distance themselves from all sorts of gossip.

Ask them this:

Did you resist it when a fresh piece of intel, from a twinkly-eyed gossip, brandished itself right before your eyes, tugging at your Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)?

Did you? DID YOU? 

Forgive them Lord, for they have gossiped... and are in denial.

Johnny Depp had once remarked that the only gossip he’s interested in is “things from the Weekly World News - ‘Woman’s bra bursts, 11 injured’. That kind of thing.’’ While Depp likes his gossip “well endowed,” centered around robust nain-sukh-prapti (NSP), one shouldn't be picky about things like these.

How do you like your gossip? 

My two cents on this?

Take, with much gusto, whatever gossip  has to offer. More often than not, you will hear fascinating things about yourself too.

The brawl that never happened.

The boy you never hooked up with.

The news that... wasn’t.

Coming back to the Gossip Mafia, there are certain etiquette to keep in mind.

Whether you are the one with a coup, relishing your soon-to-be revealed secret before a rapt audience, or you are a part of the audience with lights inside their eyes, hanging on to every word, like a moth to a flame, the trick is to always happily lend your ears... or your information.

1) Never your judgment.

2) Never your favourite masala to spice things up.

Never your judgment.

That way, in my questionable experience, you manage to come out of a foul situation smelling like roses. The aim, according to my skewed ethical compass, is never to malign, but to let off steam and indulge in harmless, therapeutic idle talk.

Therapy, eh. 

But when gossip leads you to take on a wild-goose chase and you are left trying to sift fact from fiction, you are better off without it!

“Ranbir and Alia are just good friends.’’

“Have you heard? Ranbir and Alia are seeing each other!”

“Suna hai? Ranbir and Alia are offering prayers for their unborn child in the Himalayas!”

NO.

Just... NO.

Bottom Line: Gossip is a dish best served authentic, one monger at a time.

(The above is a part of TL;DR (Too Long. Didn't Read), a weekly blog that aims to crunch things down for you. I will give you the long and short of most things that need to be taken extremely seriously like your bookshelf, beer, existential dread, aimless conversations, rainy days and bubble-wrap. I promise to cater to all readers, but I brazenly harbour a soft-spot for skimmers, bathroom-readers and infinite scrollers. Now, let's bring the written word back!

P.S: Follow me @medhac1)