Padmavati is Coming (Again): How to Make a Bhansali Trailer 101

There are several ways you can recognise a Sanjay Leela Bhansali trailer. Think people spinning and dudes staring.

Deepika Padukone in stills from Padmavati and Bajirao Mastani.

(Photo Altered by The Quint: YouTube)

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Superman!

It’s over-enthused Garba night. It’s folks dancing in concentric circles without their ulcers falling out. It’s Bhansali!

Also Read: ‘Padmavati’ Trailer: Ranveer Singh Looks Inspired By Khal of GoT

Have you ever wished you were part of the awe-worthy intelligentsia that just looked at a cinematic shot, sniffed knowledgeably and said: “That’s Mr insert-name-of-famous-director for you. He’s known for that style of insert-name-of-pretentious-sounding-film shot. I know because I know.”

Also Read: Picture Abhi Baaki Hai: Ranveer Singh on ‘Padmavati’ Trailer

Well, fret not! The Bhansali school of trailer-making is equally easy to decipher, if you just have the right tools and the nimble fingers to pause at strategic moments in a three-minute-long trailer. Take the trailer of his latest magnum opus Padmavati, for example, which was launched yesterday. It looks gorgeous, lush and like a rainbow married a bioscope. It also looks – suspiciously – like stuff we’ve, er, seen before.

Here’s how you can recognise a Bhansali trailer...

1. They Can’t Seem to Stop…Walking

Think wide shots. Long, cavernous hallways. And then zoom in, on a bunch of fierce, resolute people… walking. Lots and lots of walking. Queen Padmavati (Deepika Padukone) can be seen striding out of her palace with single-minded purpose… to walk.

An entire half a minute of the trailer is also invested in shots of a rather large army just… walking across the screen.

And let’s not forget the appropriately barbaric-looking Alauddin Khilji (Ranveer Singh) who, as the music rises to a frightening crescendo, also takes off to, er, walk.

Where are all these people going? Are they going to meet at a common point in the middle? Is there a rendezvous spot on a Bhansali set we don’t know about?

Also, where have we seen this before?

2. They Want You to Take Art Classes Seriously

VERY seriously. How else do you explain a myriad range of colours coming at you from different corners of a trailer? Are the interiors of that room supposed to be purple? And why is the night an inexplicable orange? Do Sonam Kapoor and Ranbir Kapoor have a secret legitimate fear of the colour blue? I can’t even look at muted colours anymore. I can’t even.

3. Man Stares at Woman. Woman Stares at Man. (End of Reel)

Start. Man stares. Stop. Woman Stares. Stop. Replay. Change of landscape. Man 2 stares. Stop. Woman 2 stares. Stop. Er, is anything else happening to interrupt this unending series of long stares, poignant sighs and (my) strained eyesight? At this point, I’m wishing someone would drop a rather large crate in the middle of the room.

4. People are Spinning Like Tops

How is no one getting a headache? A long-standing mysery this. I often get a headache from simply standing up too quickly. How are these men and women – always shot from dizzyingly top angles – not falling down in a heap after those frenzied, circular dances?

They’d do remarkably well on a rollercoaster, me thinks.

Also, where have we seen this before?

Here’s Bajirao Mastani.

Here’s Ramleela.

Umm.