Have you ever stood outside the trial room at a woman’s fashion store and wondered what the long line of men was doing?
“Kya mein iss dress mein moti lag rahi hun?” is the usual refrain.
This existential despair, again?
Why do women do this to themselves? Perhaps it’s the constant external validation we seek as a fairer sex. The way we dress up to please another. Lose weight to be popular. Hide our stretch marks, to appear firmer, like the women in ads – the one who needs a Kellog’s Two Weeks Weight Loss Challenge to be noticed by her beau.
To fit into an old lehenga. To fit into, something.
So much so that misogynistic Indian politicians also take digs. In March, during a debate on the Government’s Insurance Bill, JD(U) leader Sharad Yadav had this gem of wisdom to impart in Rajya Sabha – “The women of the South are dark but they are as beautiful as their bodies... We don’t see it here. They know dance.”
To which several male members were seen bursting into spontaneous laughter.
Yes, women are objectified. They are often vilified, fat-shamed and held to scale. This is no close-guarded secret. Yet, what’s alarming is, that more and more studies are beginning to reflect this dangerous trend.
A Woman had her Body Photoshopped in 18 Different Countries...
Recently, a UK online pharmacy Superdrug Online Doctors created a project, “Perceptions of Perfection”, featuring 18 photoshopped images of the same woman.
What this means is that, the company hired 18 designers (four male and 14 female) from 18 countries to photoshop a stock image via Shutterstock that reflected the beauty standards of their specific countries.
The goal of this project is to better understand potentially unrealistic standards of beauty and to see how such pressures vary around the world.
– Company’s press release
The four male designers were asked to photoshop the image based on messages women in their countries receive about what an ideal body should look like. Some of these images appeared only slightly altered, while in others, the original image was almost unrecognisable! Photos from China and Italy were dramatically photoshopped to have really thin legs and arms. Images from Colombia, Mexico and Peru showed a quintessential buxom beauty, with tiny waists, large breasts and curvy hips.
India was absent.
Kapil Sharma Often Leads the Roost in Sexual Objectification of Women
Female objectification, specifically, sexual objectification in popular culture continues. Prime-time TV shows like Comedy Nights With Kapil aren’t slapped a ban despite the host, Kapil Sharma poking fun of his onscreen wife’s pouted lips. Scant respect is awarded the transgender community as well – caricaturing them into men in drag – silk stockings, conical bras and painted, red mouths.
Perhaps we are also to blame. So-called feminists so intent on bra burning and male bashing that we miss this detrimental role-play. Meanwhile, top Bollywood heroines continue to dance to sleazy item numbers in 100-crore grossing Bollywood films, with objectionable lyrics that reduce us to narrow sexual props. The Censor Board turns a convenient blind eye – our heaving chests and slithering waists a free Viagra for a sex-starved, morally hypocritical nation.
Confused about its sexual truth.
What is a 37-year-old Woman Supposed to Look Like?
This morning, I received a rather flattering mail from a woman who claimed to be following my posts. “Love your writing, your saris, and the fact that you don’t look 37!’
I take a minute. Because while I may actually look younger, what is a 37-year-old woman supposed to look like, huh?
Perhaps it’s similar to my confusion about the ‘yummy mummy’ phenomenon. I’ve never really understood it – the way our media highlights a bunch of actresses, who are ‘over the hill’ yet still ‘happening’ – not for any purported acting chops but simply because they’re still thin and glam!
So, what happens to women who don’t look a certain way, before, after or at a particular age? Are they any less of mothers? Daughters? Lovers? Bosses? Friends? What is the sum of her self worth – a slim waist after a complex C-section? Blemish free skin that isn’t sagging? No greys? Disinterested spouses looking up to see them as objects of desire?
Better sex?
Why do we box our bodies? Make so little of our brains? Our bravery? Our battles? Squeezing them into deceptively packaged, airless containers?
Just think of how easily impressed we are when someone says we look younger. Over time, it has become one of the simplest lines with which a man can woo a woman. And what of the way we lie about our own age? Fitting into a make-believe standard of cosmetic, clinical beauty? Running a race that wasn’t even ours, to begin with. That doesn’t reward runners-up. That is a cheap, commercial cover-up for centuries of hardened, selfish patriarchy.
That teaches us to celebrate some supposed inner Goddess, lying trapped somewhere.
Worshipping her. But, from a safe distance, always...
(The writer is an ex-lifestyle editor and PR vice president, and now a full-time novelist and columnist on sexuality and gender, based in Delhi. She is the author of ‘Faraway Music’ and ‘Sita’s Curse’. Her third book ‘You’ve Got The Wrong Girl’ is out next.)
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