It took a heartfelt letter from a man and a long flight to Toronto for Rishi Agarwal to finally come out of the closet.
Agarwal, who grew up in the suburbs of Toronto with his parents, knew all along how difficult it would be to explain his sexual orientation to his folks.
“If you’re not comfortable talking about sex and sexuality in general, it makes it ever harder to really openly talk about LGBT issues,” Agarwal told CBC news, Toronto.
“Typically, the response in the South Asian community is not the most open minded and supportive of LGBT people,” he added.
This does not come as a surprise to us.
The rest of his story does.
Happy and Gay
Rishi met Daniel Langdon on a business trip to Vancouver, where after a brief romance, Rishi received a letter, which he instantly disposed, afraid somebody might find it.
“I can’t believe I threw someone’s heart in the garbage. I don’t want to be this person,” Agarwal told BuzzFeed Canada.
It was this incident that got him to confront his parents, in 2004.
Imagine yourself coming out to your parents. Of going upto them and telling them that you’re gay. Can you feel the anticipation?
Rishi expected a furious response, and again what ensued was surprising, even to him.
While one may think of Sushma and Vijay Agarwal as being the typical Indian uncle-aunty, their reaction to their son’s announcement indicates the contrary.
Rishi says that his father reassured him.
Son, this is your home, you’re always going to be our son, don’t ever think otherwise. We love you so much.Vijay Agarwal, Father of Rishi Agarwal
What followed was weeks of research about homosexuality and driving into Toronto once a month for PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meetings. Eventually, they initiated to volunteer for the organisation.
The Big Fat Indian Wedding
Agarwal’s parents’ concerns had shifted from his next meal to his single status. That too, got resolved once Agarwal met his now-husband, Langdon.
In an extravagant Hindu ceremony, Agarwal married Langdon in 2011, his ecstatic parents making sure every ritual is done to perfection.
Convincing a priest was one of the difficult tasks. After being refused by eight priests, they finally found one who agreed to do it.
A New Chapter of PFLAG
Agarwal’s parents launched a new chapter of PFLAG after the wedding. Aimed at the South Asian community, where children often deal with a cultural baggage and closed minds with respect to homosexuality.
The problem is education and awareness, and that’s the reason we thought of starting this.Sushma Agarwal to thestar.com
Sushma also wrote a book called ‘Loving My Gay Child’ to come to term with the way things turned out.
Rishi says he can’t believe he got married to the man he loves.
His disbelief is both bitter and sweet. Bitter because it’s a reminder of a sense collective homophobia and sweet because it tells us that things are changing.
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