Clinomania: I LOVE You, Bed

Are you in love with your bed? You’re not alone! Plus, some fascinating facts about sleep you didn’t know about.

If you’ve never had trouble getting out of bed on a Monday morning; if you pounce out of bed at the first ring of the alarm on your phone like Jumping Jack Jitendra; you need to understand just one little thing:

You are an Alien!

OR, you’re human. And I’m a Clinomaniac.

I’m not going to define Clinomania.
(Why? Because I’m not Wikipedia!)

So, here are a couple of scenes, circumstances and conversations, from which you may draw your own conclusions about the word.

DISCLAIMER: This story reads better, if you’re tucked in bed, A/C on and lights dimmed. 

Sleep Texting is a thing!

There’s no hard evidence, but mounting anecdotal evidence about garbled texts received at ungodly hours from senders who don’t remember sending them. Moral of the story (which you’re going to actively ignore), don’t sleep with the phone next to you. Not all Clinomaniacs are sleep-texters, though.

The Hypnic Jerk

No, it’s not an insult. It’s that feeling, that twitch that occurs between wakefulness and sleep. It’s that moment of extreme drowsiness, when everything in the body completely relaxes, before suddenly shifting into sleep mode. That’s when the body and mind do the work that you never know about.

If you love your bed, and your sleep, this is a feel-good feeling you’ve grown to expect.

Between Paralysis and Sex  

Sleep induces a kind of paralysis, that prevents us from acting out our dreams or fantasies. But then, there are disorders that override this natural monitor. When this happens, it results in sleep-walking (somnambulism), sleep-eating (yes, it happens) and sexomania, where sexual acts are carried out by someone who is asleep. It might sound funny, but it’s highly dangerous to oneself when alone and to a partner, when not. There have been around 220 cases identified so far. Sleep isn’t as easy as you think.  

With all of the Kathakali around going nude on the silver-screen, a birthday suit under the sheets seems almost obvious.

Proponents of sleeping naked under the sheets claim that it improves everything from virility to relationships, metabolism, skin-tone, bank-balance and the performance of your second-hand car.

Think you’re a Clinomaniac? Write in. Or just go back to sleep. I’ll understand.
(BTW, my bed’s better than yours.)

(Vikram Venkateswaran is a freelance writer, TV producer and media consultant. Headings, titles and captions are his kryptonite. He just moved to Chennai and hopes the city likes him and is nice to him.)