We, the privileged Indian men, are classic examples of being unusually hypocritical about our desires and interests. In private, many of our conversations revolve around making out, sex, breasts and porn – but somehow, in public, we become completely tight-lipped as if someone will shoot us for uttering these words.
Lingerie is a particularly sticky topic.
I’ve never been able to fathom why most men shy away from talking about it.
In our dim-lighted rooms at night – browsing Torrent to download recently released porn videos, we may fantasise about unclasping a bra – but out in the searing public light, we’re afraid to talk about lingerie – or even enter the lingerie sections of shops.
Of Lingerie Shopping With Female Friends
Although sex is an obsession for most men I know, somehow, talking about lingerie openly doesn’t curry much favour. Given that I passed out of college more than five years back, such conversations were largely forgotten – until I was reminded of it last month, when I went lingerie shopping with a close female friend (who asked me to tag along since she lives alone in the city).
Now, this wasn’t the first time I had accompanied someone to shop for lingerie. However, the fact that it wasn’t the slightest bit different from ALL my previous visits determined that I write about the bizarreness. Here’s how it works: whether it’s a Westside/Shopper’s Stop or a high street outlet, they all have one thing in common. While the women at these stores sift through lingerie according to size and colour, their partners (barring one or two) stand just outside the lingerie section, playing with their mobile phones or staring stupidly around.
Wanting to make a mental inventory of all that I saw at the lingerie section, I began to walk around it, with a phone to my ear. I wanted to see how the women shoppers, the men and the shopkeepers behaved.
Funnily enough, none of the women gave me so much as a second look and they seemed to be fine with me roaming around.
Boman Irani’s Role Was a High-Water Mark
On my way back home, I was suddenly reminded of the 2012 Bollywood movie Shirin Farhad Ki Nikal Padi – a romantic comedy where Boman Irani is ridiculed for running a lingerie shop. At one instance, he fights back strongly and questions the hypocrisy of the society, demanding to know why selling lingerie should be looked down upon when it’s something so basic.
A female lawyer friend put it this way –
“In India, we have created this air of secrecy around the naked human body by associating impropriety and shame with it in public. This, of course, is in complete contrast to what the figures from our thriving porn industry throw up. Inner wear is just an extension of that strange shame. However, because the male body has never been as objectified, fetishised and sexualised as the female body, the aversion to women’s inner wear in public is an extension of that mindset.”
The Ridiculous Disparity Between Men and Women’s Inner Wear
Her argument can be substantiated by the absurd ban on uncovered mannequins in Mumbai. In 2013, Ritu Tawade, a member of Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation, proposed a ban on mannequins – especially the ones clad in bikinis – as she believed that they have an adverse impact on the minds of perverts, leading to an increase in the incidence of crimes against women. The resolution was actually passed!
But of course, no such ban or discussion was debated for male undergarments or mannequins.
Why is a man’s undergarment more publicly acceptable than a woman’s? Is a woman in lingerie something extraordinarily unusual? Do we not wear underwear? Why are men so shy about entering a lingerie section?
(Please understand that I am by no means advocating for guys to stare at lingerie; the consent and comfort of your partner is of paramount importance here.)
What I am saying is that all urban educated men who lounge around in embarrassment need to open up. Discarding the veil of shame around lingerie might not seem like a major milestone – but surely we can attempt to start breaking the taboo?
(Devanik Saha is a freelance journalist based in New Delhi.)
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