Over the years life has changed in more ways than I would like. But certain things have remained constant – and I hope they never change.
I grew up like any other kid in Mumbai but was lucky to have something that not every kid has – a unique set of independent women to look up to. Ever since I can remember, my mom and her friends would religiously plan outings together along with their daughters. The occasion could be anything – sports day, post-exam celebrations, birthdays, or just another random day when our moms felt the need to bond.
As kids we would observe our moms chatting away, cracking jokes and laughing uncontrollably, much to the surprise of everyone else in the restaurant, whose steely expressions judged them perhaps, for not being typically “mom-like”.
The Mothers, the Daughters and Everything in Between
As a result, I have a permanent set of friends who are like my sisters even after 30 years. These are friends I never chose but I know, will be there forever. Over the years, we meet less often but every time we do, the experience is always exhilarating.
We also learned over time that these outings were unusual and so we consider ourselves very lucky to have this alternate family. Conversation at any typical lunch with our moms ranged from their careers, our careers, planning their next travel destination, diets that never lasted, new boyfriends, politics, the latest movies releases and basically anything under the sun. The conversations, seemingly breezy, always ended up making a larger point and invariably enriched us without ever being preachy.
Each of our moms had successful careers – one was a senior editor at a leading magazine, one a celebrated television writer, one an air hostess for a prestigious airline, one a National-Award-winning costume designer and one a distinguished cardiothoracic surgeon. Clearly, the bar was set very high for us! We’ve all chosen fields different from our moms but have still had them contribute to us making those choices.
Our conversations have evolved over the years… or so we’d like to think. We now lament why none of the moms have sons because then we could have all found potential grooms from within the group! The reason we say this, is because our moms raised us in the most liberal way possible. Never have we been told that we shouldn't do something “because we’re girls” – in fact, a statement like that would have elicited shrieks of laughter from everyone alike.
On the contrary, our moms encourage us to never settle for anyone who doesn’t make us feel treasured and loved. Their logic is simple – nobody in the world will love you as much as your parents do, so find someone who comes a close second and make sure he knows all your quirks and loves you in spite of them. Marry for love, never for society, has been their advice. As a result, we have a low threshold for nonsense – a reason we commonly cite for not being able to find “the one”. We jokingly blame our moms for being too cool, because now, no guys seems to live up to those high standards! Dating frogs until we find that prince has become commonplace and besides, we have such happy, full lives that marriage just isn’t the only priority.
A Reality, 20 Years On...
Life takes many turns – a lot depends on destiny and the choices we make as we coast along, but it is the ability to live life that makes it all worth it.
A lot of moms in the group are divorced and I think that’s what has made them even stronger over the years. When I look at them I never see a hint of sadness, regret or resentment. I think that’s what makes our moms so amazing – their ability to laugh off the past and take each day head on. I guess that’s what motivates all of us to be independent and strong like them.
I feel secure knowing that my mom has this group of amazing women who are her soulmates. They plan holidays together, go for wine tastings, meditation classes – you name it! I can picture all of us 20 years later… still getting together to laugh… with a few grandkids in tow.
One thing's for sure… wherever we are, I hope that the familiar clinking of the wine glasses and the decibel levels of inappropriate laughter never diminishes.
(Salona Bains Joshi is a creative producer by profession and foodie by passion. Working on movies and commercials takes her to different parts of the world allowing her to pique her curiosity in new stories and cuisines. She can be reached @nonabains)
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