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Sexolve 9: “I Feel Like I’m Trapped in the Wrong Body, Help Me”

Harish Iyer answers your questions regarding love, sex and relationships

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LGBT
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Sexolve is equal rights activist, Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint. It is also a part The Quint’s #MakeOutInIndia campaign, which is an effort to bring all taboo topics on sexuality out there – no beeping out, no brushing under, no cliches of the ‘land of Kama Sutra and Khajuraho’. Just an open celebration of all matters of sex.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you.

Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.

This week’s Q&As below:

Harish Iyer answers your questions regarding love, sex and relationships
RainbowMan, I feel like I’m a girl from inside (Photo: iStock)

Dear Rainbow Man,

I feel I am girl from inside. I am trapped in the wrong body. I am 22 now. Since when I was 13-14, I have been crossdressing and I feel complete when I cross dress. At my early teens, I was not ‘girlish’ but I felt like a girl. I am not aware of the real meaning of words like transgenderism, transexualism and sex change. But I do know about Hijras and I don’t identify as one. Since the past few years, I have a stronger feeling to become a girl. I suffer from bouts of depression and don’t share this with anyone. I need advice on what I should do now. I need your help.

Shakti, Mumbai

Dear Shakti,
I choose to call you that, because I believe in the inner strength that you have. There are many who are unable to articulate their feelings. You do so very clearly, so congratulations for that. I do need to let you know that you are not alone. There are many with such conflicting feelings of alignment between their gender assigned at birth and the gender that they wish to transit into. We all are in some way in the path of self discovery. You will find yourself comfortable soon, if you keep believing in yourself and telling yourself that you are not wrong if you feel differently.

I would suggest that you speak to a psychologist. I will also very strongly recommend that you visit The Humsafar Trust. Their website is www.humsafar.org. The Humsafar Trust is an organisation that works with the LGBTIQ community. They have excellent counselling services. You could drop in their Vakola, Santacruz, Mumbai centre or even call them, and request professional help.

And you have all of us here in the world, who would love you and not judge you for what you are, or how you feel.
Love,
RainbowMan

P.S.  Don’t stop believing in yourself ever.

Harish Iyer answers your questions regarding love, sex and relationships
RanibowMan, I’m not able to last long in bed (Photo: iStock)

Dear Rainbow Man,
I am a 30 year old man. I recently got married to a very beautiful woman. I am a little embarrassed to share my problem, but I will have to do so to seek help. I am really not able to
last long in bed. Although she has never complained about it but, I feel very guilty that I am not able to satisfy her. Please help me. Can any pill help me ? In Pain,

Cupid.

Dear Cupid,

Thank you for sharing something so private with me. I also thank you for understanding the need of your partner in the sexual relationship that you share. I would suggest that you engage in a lot of cuddling and oral stimulation. You could do a simple exercise – retract when you think you are going to reach an orgasm, and then start again…like you take yourself to the climax, but don’t achieve it. Slowly, your body may learn to wait for an orgasm. I want to make it clear that I am not a sexologist.  I am not qualified to prescribe pills, I suggest that you speak to a sexologist. Speak openly, so that they can help you better.

Love,RainbowMan

P.S. sexual health is still ‘health’. Feel no shame.

Harish Iyer answers your questions regarding love, sex and relationships
RainbowMan, could I have made her pregnant by accident? (Photo: iStock)

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 22 year old engineering student. My girlfriend and I share a very good relationship, but we have never had sex. We never went further than the first stage. I didn’t want to spoil her before our marriage. But in a recent incident, I completely screwed it up. My girlfriend and I were watching XXX at my place. We got horny and I dry humped her. Both of us were fully clothed. I came and my cum stained my underwear and a bit of it was also in my pants. My girlfriend has missed her period. Do you think the cum from my pants has gone inside her vagina? What are the chances that she is pregnant? I love her, but I want to marry her only after I finish my studies. I am really worried. Looking forward to your response, desperately.

Regards,

Mr Osmosis.

Dear Osmosis,

I like you. I like the way you think. Respect for your partner in the relationship and in sex is paramount. Glad you think in a matured way. I don’t know if we have conflicting views, but I believe that sex is no sin. I don’t think it is wrong to watch a porn film either.  And let no one get you to feel guilty about making out with your partner in private, with their consent. Yes, unplanned pregnancies are a big no. One can’t just be popping out babies ‘by accident’. I applaud your attitude. Now listen, your fear that your girlfriend is pregnant, in all possibility is unfounded. If you masturbate, you would know that when sperm (you call it cum) sticks to your hand or even your clothes, it dries very quickly. Also, I personally feel that no sperm has the energy to swim from your penis to your underwear to your trousers and then to her trouser and her panty and then reach her vagina, to date the ova and make a baby. That’s just too much work for the little sperm. So fear not. Next time though, if at all you go to the next and next and next stage…use a condom.

Regards,
Rainbow Man

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)

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Topics:  Sex   LGBTQ   Love 

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