Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.
This week’s Q&As below:
“I Rubbed My Penis On Her Mouth, Is She Pregnant?”
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 25-year-old man and a big fan of porn films. I never had a girlfriend ever in my life and I was so sad. Then last year, I started doing this chick who is 1 year younger to me. She thinks I love her, but I don’t really love her but sex with her is super good. I just play a simple trick, I tell her that I love her and then within a while I ask her to give me a blowjob. But she just doesn’t take it in. Last night, I rubbed my penis on her mouth but she was like a fossil, she didn’t open it. Now, 2 months later, her stomach is bloating up. Is she pregnant with my child?
Dick Head, Mumbai
Dear Dick Head,
What else do I call you. You are a dick head. Well, I am not judging you for valuing sex over love - that’s your prerogative. But I do judge you for lying to her to get her attention. You are a cheat and are full of deceit. There is no kinder way to call an asshole an asshole. And of course, your choice of words to describe her. There is no greater sin than insulting someone on bed, during the act. People are smart to figure out. She will figure out. I do hope that she is using you the way you are using her. Because she deserves her share of fun and her share of bodily pleasures too. A relationship between two people, be it love or sexual, is best satisfied if both partners participate in pleasuring each other, genuinely. Else, it is not going to be enjoyable for you ever. Please give it a thought.
Regarding her pregnancy? Well, the throat has tonsils, the ovaries are down below. The sperm needs to meet the ovaries for pregnancy to happen. The poor sperm doesn’t have the energy to percolate from the face cheek to the mouth and then embark on a journey to the vagina. It dies midway. Hence, she can’t be pregnant because of oral sex.
Please get yourself some education on the internet. It has much more than porn.
Smiles,
RainbowMan
“I Want to See My Husband Having Sex With Another Man”
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 30-year-old woman who is exhausted of all fantasies in her married life. We have done sado-masochism, we have done role plays, we have done practically everything. Now, I have a fantasy that I need to see a man having sex with my husband. I masturbate to it now. How do I get him to agree to it? And also, will he turn gay because of this?
Wild Desires, Mumbai
Dear Wild Desires,
Please understand that your partner, man or woman or trans, has their own individual desires. You can suggest, but you can’t coax him to agree. You should discuss things with him. If he disagrees, respect that.
And no, no one turns gay or turns straight, but they can still have a different sexperience. Like, for instance, I am more gay than Elton John, but I have had sex with a woman. It didn’t make me straight. It can’t make anyone straight or gay.
Smiles,
RainbowMan
“Am I Homosexual or Transgender”
Dear RainbowMan,
I will keep this short. I am a 22-year-old man. I am completely okay with my body and am attracted to women. I have this strange fantasy of dressing up like a woman in sarees and frocks. Am I homosexual or transgender?
Criss Cross, Chennai
Dear Criss Cross,
Of what you are describing, you seem like a heterosexual male crossdresser. You need to be attracted to a person of the same sex to be called a homosexual or bisexual. You need to desire to have the body of the other populous sex to be called a transgender. However, I would tell you that you can live a life beyond these wordy definitions and categorisations. When you feel – feel. When you feel like dressing however – dress however. Do not let the world box you in these terms. Live beyond it. And of course, celebrate yourself.
Smiles,
RainbowMan
(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com)
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)
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