After Kohinoor, We Gift Vijay Mallya, PeeCee to Queen Elizabeth II
Please tell me this isn’t true! So the Ministry of Culture has told the Supreme Court that the Kohinoor was not smuggled or “forcibly taken” but was handed over to the East India Company by Maharaja Ranjit Singh. Just like that!
So Kohinoor was a “gift” to the British Empire? It’s like my whole life has been a lie and here we were, demanding the Kohinoor to be returned to our humble country. *Facepalm*.
Moral of the story: Be big-hearted just like Maharaja Ranjit Singh.
So this got us, at The Quint, thinking why don’t we give some more unique gifts to Queen Elizabeth II for her 90th birthday on 21 April.
Aap bhi kya yaad rakhogi, Queen! Trust us, our gifts are no less than Kohinoor.
Yeah, we know, Vijay Mallya fled India and is now living in his adoptive country England. India would like to gift the ‘king of good times’ to Your Highness. ’Cuz Mallya has drained India’s wealth... now it’s time he empties the Queen’s treasury!
Dear Queen, while your country is trying to figure out who’ll be the next James Bond, how about we gift you a leading lady for the franchise – Priyanka Chopra. Yeah, the very ‘exotic’ girl who has conquered Hollywood. And don’t you worry about her ability to capture the Brit accent. When it comes to fake accents, she’s done her PhD.
In fact, to quote the lady herself:
Heere mein heera ho toh use kehte hain Kohinoor, Queen ka naam lete hi Priyanka ke chehre pe aata hai noor!
Ouch! Our heart aches but we’ve got to do this. We have decided to gift you the voice of Indian cricket – Harsha Bhogle.
Unfortunately, we Indians don’t value him anymore. We’ve ousted him from the commentary team for IPL 2016. Maybe you could use his cricket knowledge to better your team.
Gaumata For England ki Mata!
Last but not the least, we would like to gift you the holy cow.
You’ve already milked us of all that we were worth, you now might as well enjoy the cow too.
You want Moo-re!