‘Basmati Blues’ Has My Goat, Madhumati, Glued To Its Trailer

Brie Larson, why would you do this to us?

Basmati Blues.

You MUST take a second to process the above.

Now...

Mr Baron, would you like me to bleat out my response?

Well, you know, I am an Indian and the pet goat chained to my office desk is quite thrilled at the screen time afforded to it in your trailer.

The ruckus caused by her, Madhumati, is creating quite a stir in office.

I am trying hard to calm her down, but she only responds when spoken to in an American accent. I don’t get it. She was born here and raised here. Shee hyaas owlveys spowken lyike thiz. What could have gotten into her of late? She did watch Outsourced with me a couple of times, but lately she has been watching your trailer on a loop.

I think Madhumati will be quite excited to meet Basmati... umm... Basmati Blues, I mean.

Wait, are you telling me that is NOT what Brie Larson’s character is called in the movie? C’mmon now. Admit it! You did consider it, right?

An American lead with a ‘-mati’ in her name.

We would have loved it!

I mean, why wouldn’t we? We are Indians.

All you need is an American ‘-Mati ‘ with a bindi on her forehead, a goat to greet her on her arrival and a brown boy who alternates between Raj Koothrappali’s accent and an American frat-boy’s slick one.

Also, how can we forget the BLARING horns? That’s where our Amreekan-mati begins to tough it out. After all, she is in India and soon enough she needs to gallop away on a horse, with wind-swept cheeks and swirls of dust adorning her cluelessness.

I am wondering why Brie Larson isn’t donning a cape with snake-charmers printed on it or, for that matter, why Utkarsh Ambedkar doesn’t play beer pong in the lush green paddy fields.

That would make for a complete picture, right?

To be honest, I couldn’t quite figure what the chawal wala message is. Or maybe, I didn’t really try. The autos, khetis and Larson’s shiny white pants had me distracted throughout.

Anyway, in order to to keep things short, I have three main questions for you, Mr Baron:

1) What did I just see?

2) What did I just see?

3) What did I just see?

While I wait, with bated breath, to watch the movie with my herd-sized family, a dozen Ramu Kakas serve us spicy food in brass utensils. We can’t wait to catch a glimpse of the exotic Indian men, women and animals.

Mr Baron, please do tread softly, because you tread on my desi sensibilities.