Video: Vir Das Tells You What Makes You a True Indian

Let Vir Das tell you what makes you a true Indian.

Now Rolling
3 min read

What is it that makes India great? Was it our struggle for Independence, or the fact that Indians take pride in the smallest of things, like Parle-G? To recount his favourite things about his homeland, Vir Das returns to Netflix for his standup special, Vir Das: For India, premiering on 26 January 2020. This Republic Day, sit back and unwind as Vir narrates his favourite childhood memories and his opinion.

After Losing It and Abroad Understanding, this is the third time the comedian and occasional actor is collaborating with the online streaming platform.

In the trailer, Vir Das is seen tackling homophobia in Indians very carefully. He says, “Indian men are not afraid of being hit on by a gay man, you are just afraid you might like it.” Not just that, Vir Das will be seen attempting a Mother Teresa joke which could be a deal-breaker for some.

Ahead of the premiere of Vir Das: For India, The Quint got Vir Das to talk about things he feels that make us Indian, qualities that ooze ‘Indian-ness’. Here’s what he said:

“If you are a news channel that says comedians should speak truth to power because you can’t anymore…you’re not Indian.

Because you know, it’s your job to speak truth to power, not my job to truth to power.

If you prefer coffee to chai, you’re not Indian.

Not only are you not Indian, but you’re also just not a nice person and I believe that you should leave. You know, all these bills that we should be passing should just be chai bills, I believe. You make a cup of chai and then if you are good at making a cup of chai, no matter where you’re from or what religion you are, you get free citizenship to India, without any paperwork whatsoever.

If you didn’t enjoy ‘Duck Tales’ more than the ‘Mahabharata’ on Doordarshan, you’re not Indian. Let’s be honest, ‘Mahabharata’ was just a warm-up act for ‘Duck Tales’, it was all about ‘Duck Tales’. If you have mythologically offensive questions, and you didn’t like this bit, please write to The Quint at the email address. I work here now. So, if you are going to shut down an office, this is where you should come.

If the first time you asked a girl out and you didn’t say I want to 'propose you', you’re not Indian.

Because the first time we are asking someone out, we are proposing. Proposing means something completely different in India.

If you read like ‘Archies’ and ‘TinTin’ over ‘Tinkle’ comics, you are not Indian. Let’s be clear, anybody in ‘Tinkle’ could whop Asterix and Obelix’s ass. Like Supandi could whop Asterix’s ass. Kalia would f**k up Obelix. Tinkle comics all the way.

And finally, if you don’t think Parle-G is the greatest biscuit in the world, you are not Indian. I am not saying that Jim Jam people are Czechoslovakian, I am saying that Marie biscuits and none of these things compare to Parle-G. It is the greatest biscuit in the world. If you like soggy bhindi over kurkure bhindi, you are just not Indian.

Kurkure bhindi is our French fries. So f**k French fries, kurkure bhindi is the way to go. If you love the leader more than you love their political policy and if you love the party symbol more than you actually love the party policy, then you are Indian.

When people come to your office, you make them do free content for you, you are Indian. That’s the most Indian thing in the world.

You know when there was a party in your house and your parents were like, “Hey kid, show your talent.”

So I feel like The Quint are my parents right now.”

Video Editor: Veeru Krishan Mohan

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