Do you know how much courage it takes to voluntarily watch a film that has a scathing 2.8/10 rating on IMDB? Even a quick Google search can’t save Netflix’s newest Mrs. Serial Killer that dropped on 1 May.
Starring Jacqueline Fernandez and *drum roll* Manoj Bajpayee (and a few other really bad actors), Mrs. Serial Killer is the latest addition to Netflix India’s increasingly long list of let-downs. The disappointment just...does not end and neither do my thoughts.
1
To be fair, Jacqueline (AKA Shona) had warned us way ahead of time. Remember the trailer where she said this?
I did see it, Jacqueline. I really, really did.
(That opening scene is SCARRING)
2
10 minutes into the film - can I please request Jacqueline ma’am to not dilate her eyes so much? It’s lowkey terrifying because I am constantly worried her pupils will fall out and roll away like those greenish marbles from my childhood.
3
20 minutes into the film - there’s a rando cop who has no cop ethics whatsoever, Manoj Bajpayee’s Joy has been arrested but we know nothing about him apart from the fact that he’s a gynaecologist about to be a baby daddy, and some women have gone missing.
There’s also a lot of junior artists in this film. Hmm. Someone was feeling generous.
4
VERY HONESTLY, Mrs. Serial Killer deserves an award for The Most Complicated Yet Purposeless Plot In The History of Indian Cinema.
Let me explain - Manoj Bajpayee (AKA Joy) has been arrested for the alleged murder of 6 pregnant women after our fav neighbourhood rando cop plants the evidence against him (while Shona watches). He is accused of kidnapping single but pregnant women who he murders. But that’s not it. He also extracts their fetuses and stores them as souvenirs.
5
IDK about you but I’m ready to throw up because this stuff is more complicated than my 10th grade Math paper.
6
I want to ask the director (Shirish Kunder) why every scene in the film is lit like a shady strip club??
Just by the way, this is the same man who gave us the underrated musical gem Jaaneman starring Salman Khan, Preity Zinta and Akshay Kumar
7
And while we’re at it - sir, why are all your characters pushed to the side of every frame? Who are you saving the empty space for? The invisible coronavirus?
Gotta be honest, this stuff looks like it was made by a pretentious film student who just learnt what a ‘dutch tilt’ is and now can’t stop using it because...subtext.
8
After Joy gets arrested, Shona goes to his office. And just in case it wasn’t clear that Joy absolutely LOVES his wife, there is not one, but FIVE photos of Shona in his office.
I repeat, FIVE. Including a life-size portrait.
9
I am sorry but I watched Drive and now I’m watching Mrs. Serial Killer and I just wanna say - Jacqueline has the acting range of an onion in that she is always crying and making her viewers cry.
10
To keep you on track - Jacqueline has a very unnecessary plan to prove her husband’s innocence.
Our Little Miss Sunshine (alert: sarcasm) is going to find a single, pregnant woman/girl and kidnap her to prove that the killer is still out there. Thereby claiming her title of ‘Mrs Serial Killer’.
11
Jacqueline, girl, your accent puts Pooja to shame. Seriously.
12
Jacqueline’s acting skills peak only when she is acting like she’s acting. You know what I mean?
Let me explain - at some point she has to pretend to be a salesperson on the phone and those are the only moments she justifies her tag of being a ‘Bollywood actor.’
13
I am not kidding - but this film is so dimly lit that after 45 minutes I had to increase my laptop’s brightness... but it was on full brightness already.
To top that, a psychopathic Joy TURNS OFF the lights. Now it’s PITCH DARK. What am I looking at?? Should I just close my eyes too??!
14
Remember Joy’s gynaecology clinic? One minute it’s a regular hospital, the next minute it’s an abandoned, badly lit haunted house with countless saline bags hanging from the ceiling.
15
For someone who has been kidnapped and is now blindfolded and strapped to a hospital bed.. this Anushka girl is INCREDIBLY chatty.
16
My fav dialogue from the film is when Manoj Bajpayee expresses his frustration over how Jacqueline has shortened his name to ‘Joy’ from ‘Mrityunjoy’.
He says, “To hell with Joy. My name is Mrityunjoy. Joy, joy, joy. I’m not f***ing ice cream.”
I feel you, Joy. I’d be pissed too.
17
If I had to express how bad this film is in a single sentence I’d say - Imagine a film even Manoj Bajpayee can’t redeem.
18
I have, honestly, never felt so much second-hand embarrassment for characters in a show before. #UnprecedentedTimes
19
I have one (1) takeaway from this film and it’s that I wouldn’t mind an *actual* spin-off crime thriller series starring only and only Manoj Bajpayee.
Jacqueline, you better stay away from that one.
20
Also, what is the procedure to get the last two hours of my life back?
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