Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.
This week’s Q&As below:
I Feel Shy To Buy Condoms, So I Bare-Back
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a gay man in an active sexual relationship. I have only bare backed as my partner loves it. I am scared that I have HIV. Friends have advised me to get condoms but I am way too shy to get myself one. Will I get AIDS?
Shaleen, London
Dear Shaleen,
A relationship, sexual or emotional has to be for the happiness of all the people involved. You said your partner loves bare-backing – do you love it too? Don’t waste your time and sperm in making him happy, look for your own happiness too.
Bare-backing without any precaution is dangerous. It is not just HIV, one runs the risk of getting many other sexually transmitted infections like anal warts, anal cancer, syphilis, gonorrhoea etc...so, darling don’t take it lightly. Get yourself to a doctor for an advice on all the tests you need to do.
Don’t be scared about HIV. There are anti-retroviral drugs available now which would keep the virus under control. Just that you need to get tested regularly.
What’s so awkward about buying condoms yaa? It is for your health. To get rid of your fears, why don’t you start buying from a store far away from where you live. That way you would have a near- anonymous. Seek a little help from friends. Why don’t you ask your friends to come with you and buy you condoms. I am sure if they can advice, they could buy you too?
Smiles
RainbowMan
I Have Breasts Like Women
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 29-year-old man from Mumbai. I have been facing this issue since quite sometime. I could tolerate all this but not anymore. I am getting married next month.
I wanted to share that I have breasts with nipples that are pointing. I am a little on the obese side, so I understand that. I tried to forget about it, but now I have to address it.
My girlfriend has small breasts too. My friends have already started commenting that I will have bigger breasts than my wife. I am worried and this is driving me to the wall. I don’t want body image issues to wreck my life. Please help.
Worried Man,
Mumbai
Dear Worried Man,
I know sometimes the way we look or the way we dont look bother us a little too much. Sometimes peer pressure and societal expectation of being “body perfect” adds to the challenges in our life. Anyway what is “body perfect”? Guess some call it 6 pack abs, some call it athletic body, or for some it is just being healthy. I believe more in a healthy body than a perfect body.
Since you feel that you are obese and it is bothering you, fix yourself an appointment with a doctor and then a dietician who could help you be healthy.
When you speak to the doctor you could check with them about medical procedures by which you could reduce your breast fat. I am not qualified to advice you on that. I can only tell you that people will find faults even with perfection. So just focus on being healthy.
Love the man in the mirror. And he will love you back.
Who are these stupid friends who are commenting on your breasts and your wife’s breasts in such a derogatory way? They are being bullies. This is not funny. They deserve to be unfriended.
Things will get better, if you believe that they will.
Hugs,
RainbowMan
(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com)
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)
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