Five Reasons Why You Should Not Date American Guys

This article is in response to Matt Forney’s article ‘Five Reasons Why You Should Not Date Indian Girls’. It is written in the same vein.

As America becomes increasingly diverse and we are exposed to a variety of new different cultures, we notice them becoming more stupid than ever before. In addition to spending all their time eating burgers, they’ve begun to indulge in xenophobic, hate-rants against cultures breeding women who would never date them. Of course it would be an attractive prospect to date somebody who didn’t bathe for days or played music at the subways, but...

Don’t. Do. It.

Wherever you live, dating an American boy is the worst idea ever. Their lack of culture, ambition and hygiene makes for a disgusting, rancid stew, far more insipid than the quintessential New York Cheesecake.

Here’s why you should never date – or even pump and dump – an American Boy.

1. They’re Unattractive

Do forget about Bradley Cooper. The average American man has a painfully ordinary face, with thinning hair and fat splurging out of every second inch of his body. Even if he’s in shape, expect him to lose his job and develop a beer belly in no time.

2. They’re Horny B*st**ds

The reason America has condom vending machines in secondary school is self-explanatory. Even before boys learn to tie their laces, their penises demand gratification and they find their braces stuck in those of a girl’s with no way out. Since they’re incapable of sustaining conversation, all American men wish to do is to jump into bed and fornicate like animals.

3. They’re Narcissists

Since American boys are good at absolutely nothing, and being good at baseball counts as absolutely nothing, this narcissism can simply be an ego defence mechanism. They have less to be culturally proud of, but beer pong, solo cups and sorority sisters keep them going.

4. They’re Ridiculously Stupid

They ask questions like “Do Indians go to school on cows” and feel like America is doing the biggest of favours to Afghanistan. They let the Asians take over all the Ivy Leagues and boast of housing the best of institutions. Their jobs are mainly as janitors and they get married twice a decade. They are currently awaiting a zombie apocalypse.

5. They’re Mentally Ill

Most of them are goths or punks. Many of them are members of secret cults and they have strange dragons tattooed on their forearms. They love to fight and enter into street dance competitions. They’re usually suffering from learning disorders or show dysfunctional behaviour.

The only justifiable reason to pursue a ‘Murican boy is because you want to get your American flag. But hanging around them longer than it takes to bust on their faces will end in tragedy for you. When it comes to boys, any ethnicity or race is a better bet than Americans.

(Ninteen-year-old Asees describes herself as good girl, reader, writer, traveler and full time proper patola. You can reach her at [e-mail])

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
‘Too Young To Drink, But Not To Think’ is a series written by young college students, not professional journalists. It is not the considered editorial opinion of The Quint. This series is an open and unbiased platform. If you have any view on this topic, The Quint would be happy to publish your views.