Dear Indian Men, Let’s Talk About Love & Looks in the Tinder Age

A woman may not look straight out of Bollywood. But she can be worth much, much more.

Now that Valentine’s Day is safely out of the way, we can may be talk sanely about love again. The kind that will be relevant for the rest of the year. A recent Tinder survey found that while Indian women look for sense of humour in a man they want to date, for Indian men, looks remain the top priority.

Yes, this is the twenty first century. Yes, we are the millennial generation, not afraid to use casual dating sites like Tinder. But evolution of thought seems by and large to have eluded Indian men.

So here’s an open letter and some tips to help you think a little - and hopefully change - before you ditch everything and everyone else for just a pretty face.

My dear Indian men,

You have somewhat of a global reputation for being insensitive, sexist, and generally upholding prehistoric ideas about how a woman should behave, among other things. Invariably, you want a pretty spunky girl to date, who should then transform herself overnight into a susheel sundari bharatiya bahu. She should bear your children, but still flaunt a figure like Deepika Padukone. Oh and keep looking like that even when she is 60.

Dude, wake up!

Looks are definitely what makes the first impression. But are you incapable of looking beyond it altogether? Is there nothing more to you than an obsession with something that’s completely superficial?

Ok, we realise you are baffled at this point. All this is too deep for you to handle no? So let’s break this down. Here’s a ready manual to help you on a date with a woman who may not look straight out of Bollywood, but is worth much, much more. And trust us, you can do much better than make sheep eyes at her.

Try Talking

Amazing as it sounds, a girl is a human being just like you. So just as you chat with your male buddies, you can chat with her. You don’t need a special vocabulary for it for Chrissake!

I have often come across men who say, “I don’t know how to talk to a girl” and I never know how to respond to it except with a slap.

May be women should go around with a notice board saying ‘I am not from Mars, I speak human’?

Find Common Interests

So you got her flowers and balloons on Valentine’s Day and took her out for a candlelit dinner. You can’t do that for the rest of the 364 days now, can you? Find common interests you share with her and plan your dates around them.

Learning something together - whether it’s cooking or skydiving - will help you understand each other better and be a lot of fun in the bargain.

No, sitting in coffee shops don’t count.

Listen to Her for a Change

Now do what you do best - think about yourself for a moment. Think how you are such an interesting person, with likes and dislikes, dreams and fears. Now consider the fact that this woman you are dating is also another human being - just like you.

Instead of jabbering on and on about yourself like you tend to do, try to find out about her interests and aspirations. Try to find out how your date actually is as a person. Listen instead of simply hearing.

She is a person, you know, with a mind and heart behind that face.

It's Time for Some Introspection

As they say, beauty is skin-deep. As you grow older - yes, unacceptable as it is, you will - chances are you will bald and grow a belly. Your chiselled looks would be lost behind layers of fat and then wrinkled skin. In short, you would be one of the old fat men you look down upon today.

The thing is, your partner will age too - just like you. With your obsession with a pretty face, are you expecting her to resist the natural ageing process? Is your love so superficial as to disappear if she becomes fat? You are with a woman, not a Barbie doll.

If Bollywood is where you take your cue from in all matters of the heart, look at the yesteryear heroes and heroines. The natural life cycle spares no one.

If Women Start Doing the Same...

Ah well, if you can, we should too, right? And think about it. If women start going only for looks... well, let's just say there aren't too many Hrithik Roshans and Ranbir Kapoors out there. Where would that leave you?

Tch. Tch. Don’t take Beauty and the Beast so seriously.