(Of siblings and age-old traditions – What do the legends about ‘Bhai Dooj’ say? On the festival this year, The Quint is publishing an article from its archives. This article was originally published on 15 November 2015.)
Sibling love is a magical thing. When its real, of course, and you aren’t trying to kill each other. But traditions that were created to make us girls feel like the weaker sex (or created to make the men feel mighty) seriously amuse me.
Fascinated by Bhai Dooj, I researched it. Of course, in true Indian style, there are as many versions as there are regions that believe in sisters pinning their hopes on their bhaiyyas. Punjabis call it ‘tikka’, Bengalis , on this special day have a ‘phota’ opportunity, and sisters in Bihar abuse the hell out of their brothers and then prick their tongues to empower their bhais.
On this ‘dooj’ day, the second day after the full moon after Diwali, after the hangover is gone, some sisters are told to fast, pray, cook, abuse all for the sake of the male child. In turn the resident ‘beta male’ is supposed to feel super masculine and offer to protect his weak and servile sister. Except my favourite legend is quite the opposite.
A lot about our culture as Indians is about bringing family together, strengthening bonds and of course, keeping the pecking order right. We fall at feet, seek blessings, fast, give ‘shagan’, all in the correct order of appearance.
This story goes that a certain brother had a sister who was married off into a far away land. Postal services were non-existent and Sam Pitroda had not been born, so there were no mobiles and therefore they lost touch. The little bro missed his sister, so he decided to go through a dangerous forest to her new home, clearly uninvited. Of course, he sailed through this forest, being a man and landed up for dinner.
Once his sister and her family had embraced him and fed him, he had to be off again. Except, this time, he whimped out.
Perhaps he liked his sister’s sasural more than the mighty maika. As with all family that overstays, he needed to be booted out. “I’ll be dead if I leave”, he told the pyaari behena. “The forest is scary”.
Damn! Now what to do? So she decided to give him the right tools and a takeaway for this journey. Not good enough. He needed to hold her hand. So she had to chaperone him. Naturally he lived to tell the tale, thanks to his sister’s protection, along with the ‘potli’ she had prepared. This bag of goodies contained milk (for the snakes who almost bit him), meat (for the tiger who almost ate him), metal and flowers (for the mountain who almost swallowed him). Nothing for her.
And then of course, still in the woods, the gypsies came. They always appear when you least need them. The bhai was a basket case, so the behen had to go fetch him water. At the watering hole, she was told by the gypsies to save his life as there were dangers ahead too (I think they meant the future sister-in-law). So sister dear was told to protect him by abusing the chap, getting him married and demanding a role reversal. (What?)
Act 2 of this legend shows the sister cursing the hell out of this brother, chasing him onto a marriage mandap and then insisting that marriage rituals like ‘sehra’ tying are performed on her before the Brother Groom.
The traumatised brother fell into a ‘dead faint’ as he was about to embark on his pheras. The sister, worn out, decided to catch forty winks. But there is no rest for the wicked. The commotion woke her up and she chased away the last of the evils with a blaze in her eyes (“Grrrr! Can’t you let a woman sleep?”)
By this time, the sister was deeply unpopular in the village and post pheras, prepared to leave under tremendous pressure. Oops. The family went into a huddle.
Got to save ‘face’. So, the story was narrated by the brother to the new bride and the elders and ‘bhai dooj’ is celebrated because the behena was such a caring sister and saved his life by behaving like a banshee and holding his pinkie on the journey.
I finally get it . Bhai dooj is about a strong and sometimes terrifying sister with a mind of her own, who liked her sleep and needed an excuse to come to Mom’s for a break from her unadventurous life with the husband and needed a chaperone. A woman on wanderlust in a conservative family.
Question: Who accompanied her back to the sasural through the scary forest post this drama? Something tells me she was fine on her own. You go, girl.
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