Sexolve 40: ‘How Many Times Can I Have Sex in a Single Day?’

Worried about love, sex or sexuality? Talk to us.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationships, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

My Penis Is Too Big for My Underwear

Dear Rainbow Man,

I have a very big penis. When I wear my underpants, it’s fine when it is flaccid, but it slips out of the underwear when it is erect and it starts wobbling from my pants. The position of my penis is clearly visible through the bulge. I have stopped going out because of this and this is making me hugely uncomfortable. Pun intended. How can you help?

Big Boy, Mumbai

Dear Big Boy,

I can’t help you that literally, but can only advice you on what I would have done if I faced such a problem. And believe me, many men face this problem.

I understand that bulges can get a little embarrassing when you are especially in an event or have guests at home. I have faced this embarrassment and so have many men irrespective of how big they are. But just as women need not feel shy about their big breasts or small ones, men don’t need to be ashamed of their bulges either. It is a body part and just a body part.

I would request you to try a bigger yet tighter underwear. I don’t know how big you mean when you say you are ‘big’, but I would definitely tell you that there are different kinds of underwear. You could buy the Frenchie kind V-cut briefs, there are the hotpants type tight briefs, there are also some international briefs for “big sizes” that you can buy online. If advertisements are anything to go by, you could try Aussiebum, Andrew Christian and other international male chaddi brands.

Don’t worry much. People, including actors, actually use padding to give them the “big” look. People long for it usually. Of course, pun intended. So don’t worry much, just try a different brand of underwear and things could be better.

Regards,

RainbowMan

I Am Straight. Can I Attend the Pride Without Getting Groped?

Dear Rainbow Man,

I want to come to the Mumbai pride but I am straight. I am scared that I will be hit on by men. I have had two such incidents in the Mumbai trains where I have been felt up by homos. Don’t get me wrong, I am not homophobic per se, but people should keep their hands to themselves.

Groped man, Mumbai

Hi Groped Man,

Your fears are right. It is not okay to feel someone up without their consent. It doesn’t matter if the person is gay, straight, man, woman, trans or any other gender. The golden rule is that no one should touch anyone without their consent. Even not using the crowd as a pretext.

Yes, straight men can attend the pride. And do report to the organisers if someone misbehaves with you. We will deal with it. Of course, people may be generous with their compliments, may be forthcoming in telling you that you are cute or hot. Do tell them off if you dislike it. The mantra is that you should speak up against sexual abuse, irrespective of whether it is of verbal or physical nature.

And yes, the Delhi rape case happened a few years back. In Mumbai, there was Shakti mills, there was the infamous New Year Eve’s case of groping in Bangalore - ALL by men on women. Generalising all men or all straight men as rapists and molesters is as wrong as branding all gay men as people who want to pounce on all men.

Whether men grope men, or women grope men or women grope women… it is all wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathise with you. And will stand by you and against any gay person who tries to misbehave with you.

But let’s not brand all for the actions of some.

And of course, you are welcome to the pride. :) All are welcome.

Smiles

RainbowMan

How Many Times Can I Have Sex in a Single Day?

Dear Rainbow Man,

I am a 26-year-old female sex maniac. I love having sex every day. I have a boyfriend who also loves it but says that he gets tired doing it more than two times in a day. How do I convince him to have more? How many times can I have sex in a single day?

SexManiac, Delhi

Dear SexManiac,

Thanks for sharing these details with me, way too candidly. There is nothing wrong in being a “sex maniac”. We all have different desires and we need to respect all of them. I am not judging you for your high libido.

I will tell you the best thing to do other than convincing him to have sex. Well, it is just respecting his decision to not have sex when he doesn’t want it. Most times, compassion makes lovemaking more enjoyable. You should understand that when you are having sex with a person, his consent is vital and consent works both ways and with all genders.

Please respect his decision about his body and sexual encounters. Respect and love will make all the sex you are having more and more enjoyable and you would not need any more sex or convincing to do.

Regards

Rainbowman

(The copy of the text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the person. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)