Misogyny and male politicians seem to have an umbilical connection. Time and again, politicians across party lines have made crass remarks on women and rape, justifying their misogyny under the garb of Indian culture.
Who could be more democratic than Lord Rama. On comment by a person from a low strata, he made his beloved Sita undergo an agnipariksha.Rajnath Singh, Home Minister in Parliament on November 25
There are many versions of the Ramayana, but it can be assumed that Rajnath’s version was the one which spoke about how a dhobi (washerman) in Ram’s kingdom, who was beating his wife, said that he is not like King Ram, who would allow his wife to stay with him after she had lived with another man. When this was conveyed to Ram, he asked Lakshman to take Sita to the forest, and undertake the test of purity – agnipariksha.
Why Eulogise Ram as Perfect?
The legitimacy of this particular version is debatable, but in Rajnath’s case, it is immaterial.
His statement which links Ram’s decision to force Sita into a purity test with democracy perplexed me, but it appears that he remains inspired by the idea of Ram as the ideal husband of Sita, the ideal wife, as most people in India are.
At the risk of being called a ‘Hinduphobic’, there are a few questions that cross my mind.
Why do we still eulogise Ram as a perfect husband? Does keeping alive religious sentiments based on mythologies hold more importance than ensuring gender equality? Why is virginity a parameter for determining a girl’s character?
This phenomenon of idolising Ram as the perfect husband and Sita as the perfect wife can be termed as the ‘Ram Sita syndrome’, which essentially is a desire to maintain the status quo of a husband having the liberty to treat his wife at his will and a wife being submissive to her husband’s whims and fancies.
Unfortunately, many women have been conditioned to believe that once married, they must be their husbands’ Sita, the perfect wife.
Who is to Blame?
Parents? Politicians? Media? Sadhus/Sadhvis? Religion?
Honestly, one cannot find a scapegoat.
For centuries, Indians have sworn allegiance to religious texts and defined parameters of morality under the hollow garb of Indian culture. The differentiation between Indian culture and religion has never been made or stressed upon.
Karva Chauth – a classic example of a festival, where culture and religion has been inextricably intertwined, is celebrated with much pomp. The irony is that women are conditioned to believe that a wife must necessarily fast on Karva Chauth and pray for her husband’s long life.
In the recent past, there have been debates on the same, and many women argue that it is their personal choice.
However, their personal choice is actually not their choice; rather, it’s the conditioning they have been subjected to – being made to believe that fasting for your husband is a necessity to strive towards the ideal (of Sita).
What About Present-Day Sita?
Recently, a close friend told me about her Maasi, who faced domestic violence for several years, but never told her family. It was only last year that she confided in her sister (my friend’s mother), which led to several discussions between the two families, but my friend’s Maasi couldn’t gather the courage to leave her husband.
1,22,877 cases of domestic violence (36 per cent of total crimes against women) were registered in 2014, according to the National Crime Records Bureau, which is much higher than 36,735 cases of rape.
What can be more bizarre than the fact that marital rape is still not recognised in India? Over decades, politicians and law makers have refused to record marital rape as a crime, terming it a private affair between husband and wife.
The Ram-Sita Syndrome
It is considered that the concept of marital rape, as understood internationally, cannot be suitably applied to the Indian context due to various factors, including level of education, illiteracy, poverty, myriad social customs and values, religious beliefs and the mindset of the society to treat marriage as a sacrament.Haribhai Parathibhai Chaudhary, Minister of State for Home in April 2015
In principle, Chaudhury is just defining the Ram-Sita syndrome, albeit using different words – a husband has all the right to beat and rape his wife, but the wife has the moral obligation and duty to make keep him happy and make the marriage work.
Our media would categorise this as the BJP’s official statement to increase their TRPs, but Chaudhary has only echoed what millions of Indians actually believe.
Will India ever get rid of the Ram Sita syndrome? Can we ever expect to live in an India, which stresses more on gender equality than ancient traditions? Will we stop eulogising Ram as a perfect husband?
(Devanik Saha is a freelance journalist based in New Delhi.)
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