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Sexolve 79: ‘I Am Scared That I Will Tear My Wife’s Vagina’

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

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Sexolve
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Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.

This week’s Q&As below:

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‘I Don’t Know How To Escape My Abuser’

Dear RainbowMan,

I have been living on the edge for quite sometime. I am a 23 year old girl from Delhi. My abuser is a part of my family. I cant tell you exactly who it is, though this is an anonymous, it takes me more than just strength to write about it. Till the longest part of my life I didnt know what was happening. Today, I know what’s happening but am unable to process it or do anything about it. He still abuses me. There is no way that I can escape him. Though I am earning today and doing good in life, until I get married and move out I will be under him. I cant deal with this. I feel suicidal at times. I am so angry when I write this to you. I dont know what to do. I am so lost and angry.

Ms Angry

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.
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Dear Ms Angry,

I have sailed in the same boat as you are sailing in right now. Though I can’t put myself in your place exactly, the feeling of anger, disgust and helplessness is all a very familiar place, as I am a survivor too. I understand the courage it would have taken to write to a stranger, especially when it is easier to trust a stranger than someone in the family. Thank you for your trust in me.

I want you to know that there is a huge family beyond your family that you could call your own. Speak out, verbalise what has happened to you. Speak to a pet, a friend, or to a stranger as remote as me. But speak. In speaking out, you will find ways out of this challenge too.

Since you are in Delhi, I would suggest that you visit Rahi Foundation. They are an organisation committed to support and empower survivors of child sexual abuse. You will get their contact details on www.rahifoundation.org. Do email them, call them or visit them. You will find your wings. You will fly high. You will win. But even before that, change your nightmares to dreams. Dream the undreamable dream of freedom and success and fame. When you find it most difficult to believe in your thoughts, is probably the only time when you should believe in the power of your thoughts.

Thoughts become things.

Keep the faith.

Smiles
RainbowMan

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Dear RainbowMan,

My penis is too huge in width. I am scared that it will tear my wife’s vagina and will also cause me pain. I tried entering her vagina a couple of times, she yelled in pain and I couldnt have the heart to go further. This is causing a rift in our relationship, how do you suggest we deal with this?

Big Man

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

Dear Big Man,

Firstly, thank you.

I know that being considerate towards your partner’s wishes especially when she is experiencing pain is how everyone should be, however, it is rare in a world ridden with patriarchy where when it comes to sex, people are treated as pieces of flesh to satiate carnal desires.

So thank you, once again for listening to your partner’s pain and withdrawing.

I urge you to extend your empathy a little more and visit a gynaecologist with her. Ensure that the gynac is of her gender so that she could open up more freely. There could be many reasons for the pain to surface other than your penile width. A medical professional would need to have a heart to heart talk and if needed - an examination of both of you’ll to decide on the future course of action.

Regards
RainbowMan

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Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 18 year old boy from Mumbai. I have been wanting to ask someone this but I am very embarrassed. I am of fair complexion to an extent that if someone pinches my cheeks it turns red like a tomato. Since the past one year though I have found a peculiar change in my privates. My dick was always darker than my body, but is becoming really black in colour.

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.
“My d!ck was always darker than my body, but is becoming really black in colour.”
(Photo: iStock)

Today, my body is white and my dick is really black. It doesnt even look like a part of my body at all. What can I do? Are there fairness creams for this purpose? Where can I get them? I am really worried of getting teased when I have sex. I am very worried.

Worried Penis, Mumbai

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Dear Worried Penis,

Unfortunately, I have never heard of penis whitening creams. I am sure though, some genius mastermind would have already been thinking of this new product category while reading this post. I am not belittling your concern but I would definitely like to tell you that love that wades off looking at the colour of your penis, is good away. Seriously, no one who judges you by the colour of your penis is worth your time, your effort, or even your libido.

Take control of this. It is not your partner’s choice of leaving you because of your colour of your penis, it is your choice to leave your partner because they made some unwarranted nasty remark on your body part.

Leave your partner if they tend to tease you.

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.
Racism shouldnt be tolerated. Not even penis racism.
(Photo: iStock)
When you are naked in front of somebody, you don’t just expose your body to them, you express that you trust them in your most vulnerable moment of nakedness. If they disrespect your body with snarky remarks, do yourself a favour – leave them.

Anyone who shames you in bed, is not worth sharing the bed or your life. Racism shouldn’t be tolerated. Not even penis racism.

Regards
RainbowMan

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

(Breathe In, Breathe Out: Are you finding it tough to breathe polluted air? Join hands withFIT in partnership with #MyRightToBreathe to find a solution to pollution. Send in your suggestions to fit@thequint.com or WhatsApp @ +919999008335)

(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)

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Topics:  Sexual Abuse   Sexolve   Penis 

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