Sexolve 80: ‘Where Can I Get a New Hymen?’

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

‘Will My Penis Break?’

Dear RainbowMan,

I have a problem with the penis, it does not turn the way it used to before. I feel a lot of pain in the attachment where my skin attaches my body with the penis whenever I am inside someone. Will it break or get detached from my body anytime? How do I cure this pain?

Too Attached

Dear Too Attached,

Thank you for writing in to me. However, any kind of pain experienced in any part of your body while carrying out any basic need of your body, should be enough for you to visit the doctor for advice. I wish you reach out to one soon.

At least, my penis doesn’t get detached that easily from the body and neither do my fingers my lips or my nose. And yes, there are techniques that you could deploy to ensure that sex is pleasurable and painless.

I repeat, any sort of pain experienced should be examined by a qualified doctor. Please visit a sexologist.

Regards,
RainbowMan

‘Where Can I Get a New Hymen?’

Dear Rainbow Man,

I am a 29-year-old woman. I am getting married in three months. My future husband is very loving. He and I discussed everything before marriage. He has had three sexual relations before, he confessed. I have one sexual relationship, but I did not muster the courage to tell him that. My hymen is now broken, what if he finds out? What if he asks me? Do you know of places where I can get a hymen made? Please advice.

Someone

Dear Someone,

Thank you for mustering the courage to share such an intimate part of your life with me. I want you to know that people who love you will continue to love you irrespective of who was in your life in the past.

Does your partner deserve to know about your past? Maybe no. But does it bother you so much that you would rather tell him – is something that you will have to gauge. Not everyone shares everything of the past with their partners. Some people live in the present, some just hint of a relationship in the past, but don’t get into details.

Hymen, I have read, stretches for multiple reasons other than sexual intercourse – it could be playing a sport or cycling. Don’t take my word for it. You should cross-check about this with your gynecologist as I am not a doctor.

Your chastity is based on your present and not your past. Your chastity is not governed by the hymen, but your very essence of love, mutual respect and understanding.

I can tell you though that if your “to-be” is going to be offended by a past relationship, it is better that your to-be is a not-to-be.

Love,
Rainbowman

‘I Want to Ask My Bisexual Wife For a Threesome’

Dear RainbowMan,

I have been fascinated with threesomes ever since my wife said that she thinks she could be bisexual. I have always wanted to see my wife make love to another woman and masturbate to that quite often when my wife is out at her parents place. However when she is here I dont have the courage to broach the question. How do I get her to agree?

Curious Man

Dear Curious Man,

Assuming you are a hetrosexual man, you may admire women other than your female partner in marriage . But does that mean that you have sexual relationships with all of the women you admire? No, right? Similarly bisexuals are capable of loving people regardless of the person’s gender, but they don’t necessarily have a relationship, sexual or otherwise, with two genders.

So dont assume about bisexuals, speak to your wife more openly. She is the best person to define her sexuality and her definition of her sexuality is the ultimate truth because she and only she can define it for herself.

As far as your idea of a threesome, have an open conversation about her bisexuality and your sexual fantasies. If she approves, go ahead. If she doesnt respect that. Don’t try to mollycoddle her into something that she doesnt want, you may well get your ten minutes of “fun”, but you may end up losing the trust of your wife.

Love,
RainbowMan

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

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