Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.
This week’s Q&As below:
‘I Have Never Had Sex With a Woman’
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 46 year-old male and I have had no intercourse with a woman. You can call me a loser or a failure. I have just had no luck with women even after the dating courses I took. I never had a relationship. And I have made out with women on very few occasions. I still have an erection as I sleep naked every night fantasizing about making love to a woman. I orgasm as sperm fluids flow out. Just wonder how long can I last? I read that the sexual drive of men drops after 40 and that is worrying me. I fear I will not be able to perform with a woman. Please help.
Upset Man
Dear Upset Man,
Thank you for sharing your worries with me. I understand that as we grow older and wiser, we also tend to add more worries to our list. We start assuming that we have little life left and we start counting the things that we have not done as yet. We sometimes compare ourselves with the world and gauge our potential by the yardsticks that they define.
Today, let me share a secret with you. And it is – you are enough. You are complete. You are wonderful as yourself. Whether you make out at 20 or make love at 50, it doesn’t matter. Why should anyone call you a loser. They would be the real losers if they judge you.
And if really your libido is a parameter for them to judge you, they are not your friends. And therefore, their views should not matter.
People say that our sex drive reduces when we grow older. But this also varies from person to person. Every individual has their own metabolism and their bodies have their own path. Someone wise said – age is just a number. Do not stress so much about your age.
I pray that you find your love. And you get to enjoy the pleasure of consensual love. You will do good. Don’t let your mind wander in the direction of failed scenarios of love making. Stop imagining everything negative. Think positive.
I wish you several orgasms and hope that you would find the person you desire to make love to. Wish you a wholesome orgasm through consensual sex.
Love,
RainbowMan
P.S. I am sure that with a positive outlook we can get the universe to act. Thoughts become things.
‘My Son and Daughter Are Marrying a Pair of Siblings’
Dear RainbowMan,
I am a 65 year old woman with two children, one boy and one girl. They both are getting married to their respectable lovers. I do not have a problem with that per se. My problem is a little different. The lovers of my son and daughters are also siblings. I consulted my astrologer and he said that if my son and daughter get married to another pair of siblings, they will land up in divorce. I love my children, I even love their lovers, but I am really scared that the prediction of the astrologer will come true. Everything he has said till date has come true. How do I dissuade one of my children to marry in that family? Please tell me.
Mrs S
Dear Mrs S,
Firstly, congratulations to your son and daughter. Ask me how difficult it is to find someone for whom your heart beats for, and for their heart to resound the same beat. It is rare. And therefore it is special for people in love.
We don’t know how, when and where we find our soul mates, or how they would be related to us. It is just a matter of chance. And thus it is just by chance that the lovers of your respective children also happen to be siblings.
I am not the one to dissuade you from your belief in the words of the astrologer.
However, your kids are adults. They are of marriageable age. I would rather request you to trust your children and the choices they make in life.
Yes, there is always the fear of a failure of a marriage. However there is also the possibility of things working out beautifully. It is a matter of choice and chance.
Also, when children reach a marriage age, I feel it should be left for the children to decide. Parents can only tell them what they feel. Adults can decide for themselves, and they should decide for themselves. You could however choose to tell them what you feel about your children’s prospective partners being siblings. At the end, it is their choice.
Would be nice to leave our children to their choices and the consequence of it. Afterall, children have to live with their partners for life, even after their parents lifetime.
Smiles,
RainbowMan.
P.S. Let them be.
‘Can I Elongate My Penis Using a Prosthetic One?’
Dear RainbowMan,
I saw a prosthetic penis online. Aesthetically it was looking like a normal penis. Can I use it by attaching it to my penis. Will my penis become longer then?
Aesthetic Prosthetic Man
Dear Aesthetic Prosthetic Man,
If I am not mistaken, in all possibility what you saw is a Dildo. A Dildo is used for anal and vaginal simulation in place of a penis. I don’t know of prosthetic penises but i do know that you don’t need a very big penis to have sex.
Pleasure is not directly proportional to the size of the penis.
Smiles,
RainbowMan.
P.S. You are enough!
(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com.)
(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)
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