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Sexolve 83: ‘How Many Times Should I Stroke to Get an Orgasm?’

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

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Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.

This week’s Q&As below:

‘I Think My Girlfriend Is Possessed’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 25-year-old lesbian. I have been engaged for the past 3 years. My girlfriend is very loving and caring. However, ever since she we met, something or the other happens in my life that is tragic. When I met her, my uncle met with an accident. When we made love for the first time, my sister fell off the stairs. When we celebrated our first Valentine’s Day, my best friend committed suicide. Though these chain of events are not directly related to her, one of our friends said that there is a strong possibility that my girlfriend is possessed.

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

She has suggested that we get her to read some mantras everyday. My girlfriend refuses to do so and tells me that she is not possessed. Last week, she started crying so badly when I asked her to read the mantra that the spiritual person gave us, that her voice became even more coarse and masculine.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

We all look for patterns in life. Many associate patterns with people. Some take it further by humiliating people for no fault of theirs – you belong to this category of these people. I don’t want to stand in the middle of your belief in occult powers, or convince you otherwise, because clearly, you seem to have taken your belief too far to be convinced by this advice.

However, I want to tell you that there is immense power in love. Superstition is fatal when it provokes you to stand against people you love. Do not let your belief in the possibility of people being possessed ruin your relationship. You are doing exactly what people do with young widows, stillborn babies – blame them for the death of their husband and children. Please stop this. Your girlfriend doesn’t deserve this. Please stop associating every behaviour of hers with occoult powers. Stop treating her as a bad omen.

In my humble opinion, you need psychological intervention. Please visit a mental health professional. You will end up ruining your relationship if you continue this thought. 

Regards,
RainbowMan.

How Many Times Should I Stoke to Get Sperm?

Dear RainbowMan,

I feel weird about this but feel like sharing. I have been masturbating since I was 17. I am now 27.

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

In the begining, I used to do 10 strokes but never orgasmed. Then I started doing around 25 strokes in each hand and I orgasmed. Now I don’t get sperm even though I do two to three times the number of strokes. Do I have a problem? Is it because I exercise quite frequently now? Am I becoming impotent?

Regards
Stroke Of Luck

Dear Stroke of Luck,

Thank you for sharing and there should be nothing weird about seeking opinions from people. Let me jump directly to the response, but with a caveat that I am not a doctor and would not be able to guide you on the medical front. If you have very delayed orgasms, I would suggest that you see a sexologist.

Regarding your problem – even in marathons people don’t count how many steps it takes to reach the finish line, it only matters that a person reaches the finish line. Sometimes, it is of utmost happiness to the marathoner that they just participated.

Don’t measure pleasure by the strokes you make, ensure you create pleasure for yourself anyway.

Libido fluctuations as we age is natural. However, if you think it gets too delayed, visit a sexologist. Regarding you turning impotent, well, normally a single ejaculation contains millions of sperms and only one sperm is needed for impregnating.

Good luck with pleasure sans the counting.

Love,
RainbowMan.

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 24-year-old gay sportsperson and was sexually felt up by my coach.

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

One day he touched my crotch to see if I have my guard on. Another day he examined if I had a hard on by touching me. More recently, he put his hands inside my underwear in the pretext of ensuring that post the match my shirt was tucked in, he pulled my foreskin down when he was doing so.

My coach is really respected and he doesn’t behave like this with others. He has specific interest in me. I am scared to play cricket. I am scared to speak up. I think no one will believe me and blame me. Since I am gay, they may assume that it must be consensual. Please advise.

Disturbed Man

Dear Disturbed Man,

I understand where you are coming from. I understand how disempowered you would be feeling when a person in a position of power is misusing it to abuse you. I just want to take a moment to acknowlege that I understand you. And if you ever need someone to speak to please know that I am with you.

The most ideal thing would be to report your coach to the higher authorities but before you do anything like that, you should be prepared for all kinds of reactions that you may get. Just being aware of what the opponent’s defence is would help us better our strategy.

Do you have a friend, family member or authority – below or above your abuser coach – that you could speak to? It could help build allies before you take action.

Equal rights activist Harish Iyer answers all your doubts and queries about sex, sexuality and relationships.

There is a strong possibility that abusers don’t just have one prey. These stories may come out of the closet when one person speaks up. We draw from each other’s courage to speak up.

I don’t want to make a hero out of you or expect you to mandatorily do something very revolutionary, but do ensure that the abuse is stopped by a stern ‘no’. Just sternly tell your coach to keep his hands away from your pants as you parallelly build allies. Report to the higher authorities.

Before all of that, dealing with abuse can be very traumatising. Seek the services of a psychologist who can help you sort your life and challenges.

Good luck. Do let me know the progress in this case and also I will be happy to be of any assistance.

Regards,
RainbowMan.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to sexolve@thequint.com)

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)

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Topics:  Sexolve   Sexual Health 

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