Sexolve 78: ‘Is Frequent Sex Making Me Impotent?’

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Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on The Quint.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&As below:

‘I Am Afraid I Am Getting Impotent Due to Frequent Sex’

Dear Rainbowman,

I am a 27-year-old man. I have been in a relationship with a girl for the past 3 years. I am a little embarrassed to share this, but who else to ask.

When our relationship began we had casual sex once in a month or so, depending on when we had either of our houses vacant. However, over time things changed in our favour as my parents shifted to the US. Now, I have the whole house for myself. Nowadays, we have sex every two days.

My problem is that when I used to initially have sex irregularly, I used to get so much sperm that it used to overflow into the mattress and we had to halt our session midway so that we didn’t stain the mattress. We used to have repeated orgasms and it used to flow just as much though not as much in second orgasm.

However, nowadays, we have a different issue, I just get one or two ml of sperm in my first session and then, half a ml of sperm. I am scared if I am getting impotent.

Does this mean that eventually all my sperm will dry up? We plan to marry next year and have kids. Do I need to hurry up the pregnancy, just in case I am getting impotent? Do share your views. I am really worried.

Regards,

Worried Guy

Dear Worried Guy,

Thank you for sharing your intimate details with me. And many congratulations on your rocking sex life. Especially, in big cities “finding place” for “having fun” is very challenging for so many people. I hope you recognise that you are privileged in that area.

Now, coming to your query.

Semen production depend on a variety of factors, not just the frequency of ejaculation. Also, you should know that only one sperm is needed to impregnate, you don’t need an overflowing river of sperms.

Also, semen production could depend on a variety of things ranging from psychology to physiology, you will need to speak to a doctor to find out if frequency of sex is a factor at all. Do not shy away from discussing these things with a qualified sexologist.

I wish you and your partner a happy love life and a happier sex life.

Smiles,

RainbowMan

Also Read: Sexolve 8: “I Am Impotent. Will Having Sex On Ice Help?”

‘I Love My Friend’s Sister, Should I Tell My Friend?’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 25-year-old girl. I am in deep trouble. My best friend and I have been like soulmates forever. We were the quintessential best friends and have had sleepovers at each others’ places. Everyone around us thinks that we are lesbian partners.

The issue is that this is half the truth. I am a lesbian, but she is not my partner. I am in love with her sister. Her sister and I even made out at her house when she was not around. My friend knows that I get attracted to girls and she is totally supportive of me. I don’t know how she will react though when I tell her that I am in a relationship with her sister. Guide me.

Regards,

Bestie

Dear Bestie,

Your friend seems like a real cool person who values you beyond your gender or sexuality. In an ideal world acceptance would come easy.

But in a space where prejudice is easy, standing up for love becomes a revolutionary act.

No wonder you value her and feel scared of losing her. Does your friend know that her sister likes women too? How has she taken that? Because sometimes people have different reactions to the truths of different people. She may or may not be okay with her sister having interest in girls, though, by the way you describe your friend, she seems like someone who would not mind.

Sometimes life takes us to difficult roads, however we tend to find our way to navigate when we embark on the journey with utmost honesty by embracing our truths.

You love your friend. She loves you. You hide no secrets from her, I believe. Maybe, you should find an appropriate time and occasion to tell her that you love her sister. Especially if hiding a truth from someone who matters to you gives you sleepless nights – share the truth.

You are already feeling miserable because you have hidden this from her. You might as well take the risk and tell her. I don’t know if she will be accepting or not, I do know though that hiding your relationship with her sister may need you to lie to your friend.

Don’t spend your life hiding your love.

There’s a song for you, though the sex/gender of the two lovers is not the same here.

Love,

RainbowMan

Also Read: Sexolve 12: “I Have Lost Interest in Boys, Am I a Lesbian?”

‘I Think it is Too Premature to Fall in Love’

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 36-year-old man. I take a lot of time to fall in love usually but there is this one guy that I have met in person once. We chatted a couple of times. And I feel like I am in love with him. He is sweet and reciprocative. However, I think it is too premature that I am getting such feelings. How should I proceed?

Regards,

Confused Guy

Dear Confused Guy,

It must be an amazing feeling to be at the space that you are in right now. To love and to be loved is one of the greatest pleasures of life, so many congratulations. Enjoy these moments.

I should tell you that when love happens, it happens... just flow into it without calling it love.

Why do you want to confine love to a definition? Don’t disrupt the flow right now. Leave it open till it defines itself in your life. In doing so, you will ensure that you give your lover the time to express love towards you too.

Sometimes this ambiguity is a beautiful feeling. Live this moment, give him space. If he loves you too, you will know and eventually you can tell each other.

Good luck.

Smiles,

RainbowMan

Also read: #GayWellSoon: Talking Love, Not Homophobia In India’s Gay Capital

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

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