Sutapa Sikdar, wife of Late Irrfan Khan, took to social media to write an emotional note on his first death anniversary. She wrote about their time together at Delhi's National School of Drama, their final moments together, and the days after his passing. For her, she writes, the clock stopped at 11.11 on 29 April.
She quoted his favourite poet Anaïs Nin and wrote, “People living deeply have no fear of death." She recalled that she and her friends sang his favourite songs for him on the last night. "The nurses were looking at us strangely as they were used to religious chants in critical times but I had overdone that for you irrfan morning evening and night for two years and since they told me it was time I wanted you to go with memories you loved …so we sang songs….next day you left for the next station I hope you knew where to get down without me," she wrote.
She revealed that Irrfan always had a keen interest in numbers, and it felt fitting that he had three 11's on his final day. "363 days eight thousand seven hundred and twelve hours..when each second is counted. how exactly does one swim this huge ocean of time. The clock had stopped At 11.11 on 29th april for me .…irrfan you had a keen interest in mystery of numbers . .and funny you had three 11’s on your final day . some say actually many say this is a very mystical number 11/11/11. How does one walk ahead the pandemic just adds to the anxiety, fear and pain," her note read.
After his death, she recalls she was suddenly faced with numerous responsibilities, including the 'name changing'. "My fingers kept stopping on that how could I just take his name away and make it sutapa, I was unable to sign took a day off and the name game played on my mind," and added that the 'Name Game' kept playing in head on a loop.
"Like a film in a projector .i remember sitting outside NSD late evening ..beautiful girls from kathak kendra floating out ..they were all very well dressed up unlike us we were always in our blue trackpant and sky blue t shirt," she remembers. She talked about how Irrfan mispronounced her name and she corrected him, which led to 'a long journey of correcting each other spanning a life time and fighting, arguing, laughing, evolving together'.
"..by the way OM from the tea stall in the nukkad went some years back has he made a chai ka stall up there? are you having ek bata do chai there. and are drinking water from the running streams?" she wrote, after mentioning the tea stall nukkad they frequented.
In an earlier appearance in Aap Ki Adalat, Irrfan had revealed that he lied to his parents to go to NSD, "Ek toh meri maa ko jhooth bola. Maine kaha ki main actor banne nahi jaa raha hoon. Main acting seekhne jaa raha hoon, seekh ke main Jaipur University mein aaunga aur teacher ban jaunga." (I lied to my mother and told her that I wasn't going to become an actor. I was just going to learn acting and then go to Jaipur University and become a teacher)
Sutapa, in her heartfelt note, also lamented on the hundreds that have followed Irrfan and hoped they could forgive the lack of a proper burial. "All of you stay in peace remember us that we loved you, all of you. And remember all of you is missed by some one or the other ..all your families grieve ..may you all rest in peace! I hope there is enough space I hope some of you will forgive us for not been able to give a respectable cremation," she concluded.
Son Babil Khan also posted a tribute to his father, and wrote, "Nobody can ever replace him. Nobody will ever be able to. To the greatest best friend, companion, brother, father, I ever had and ever will have. I love you so much, for the rest of this chaos we are choosing to call life."
Today, 29 April 2021, marks the first death anniversary of legendary actor Irrfan Khan who passed away last year after his battle with neuroendocrine cancer, diagnosed in 2018.
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