QSatire: If Rajinikanth Was Bhuvan, How Would Lagaan End?

Ever wonder how DDLJ would end if Rajinikanth had been the hero?

3 min read
Rajinikanth starring as Raj, Bhuvan and Mohan Bhargav, Arjun Saluja. (Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ The Quint)

He is undoubtedly the demigod of Kollywood. An eminent personality, whose opening scene in a film is welcomed with hoots and applauses. He ends up looking younger than Ranbir Kapoor in most of his films, and has starred opposite actresses 37 years younger than him (remember Sonakshi Sinha and HIM in Lingaa). Yes, that’s Rajinikanth for you. The luminary star, who continues to shine despite his age.

Thalaivar is not allowed to die in his films because it might just cause a backlash in the state. This got us thinking at The Quint how some popular Bollywood films would end if they starred Rajinikanth in the lead.


Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

(Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ <b>The Quint</b>)
(Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ The Quint)

Ja Simran ja, jee le apni zindagi! Remember Amrish Puri’s iconic dialogue? Of course you do. You would also remember Kajol aka Simran’s long run to get to a particular coupe, where her Raj leaned out, extending his arms in welcome. So filmy!

If Thalaivar played Shah Rukh Khan’s character, he wouldn’t let Simran do all that running. He would stop the running train itself with his Herculean strength (something which Ethan Hunt couldn’t do. Mission Failed!). Rajini is a humble man, who can’t bare to see his ladylove drenched in sweat.


(Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ <b>The Quint</b>)
(Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ The Quint)

The period film starring Aamir Khan proved to be a pivotal movie of his career, and a money-spinner at the Box Office. But apologies Mr Khan (please don’t cry), it took you three days to win a cricket match. Rajini Sir would have done it in a day (that too all by himself). Mind it!

Bhuvan and his teammates struggled under the sun, only to win the game in the last ball of the last over. Such drama!

Rajinikanth would have easily turned the three-day game into a T-20 match by hitting 6 sixes in 1 ball. Go figure!


Swades – We, The People

(Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ <b>The Quint</b>)
(Photo Illustration: Lijumol Joseph/ The Quint)

In the film Shah Rukh Khan, a project manager at NASA, comes back to a small village in India and initiates social transformation by helping the village generate its own power. It invloved an arduous process – harnessing the power of a waterfall, buying turbines, and digging long trenches.

Ashutosh Gowariker, you should’ve just cast Rajini Da. We all know bio-gas is an effective energy source. The mighty wind he would have emitted from his posteriors would power an entire state for over a year.

Psst, Arvind Kejriwal, you know who to call when Delhi faces power-cuts!

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

(Photo Illustration: Namita Handa Jolly/ <b>The Quint</b>)
(Photo Illustration: Namita Handa Jolly/ The Quint)

Remember the bull-chase sequence from the hit road-trip drama film? And how our terrific trio ran for their lives?

If Rajini Sir was in the sequence, things would have been much different. First it would be him chasing the bulls, and not the other way around. And if God forbid any bull decided to come his way, it would fervently wish it was a cow. After all, Rajini ji would never harm the holy Indian cow.

Yanna rascala, mind it!

(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)

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