Forget ‘Sairat’, Caste Still a Factor When Fixing Marriages Online

Matrimonial websites say they focus education and ‘modern’ values. Curiously enough, these also include caste.

(Photo Courtesy: The Quint/Rahul Gupta) 

‘Love will conquer all’ crooned Lionel Richie in 1986, to a generation who grew up to believe in love as the ultimate elixir of life.

Clearly, Richie has never been to India. And has never encountered an all-encompassing thing called ‘caste.’ Because in India, you can fall in love and marry anyone you want – as long as he or she belongs to the same caste as you.

In the runaway Marathi hit film Sairat, a lower-caste Dalit boy falls in love with an upper-caste girl. They elope, marry and establish a life for themselves, only to find the spectre of caste coming back to haunt them.

Even in the ostensibly ‘progressive’ world of online matrimony, caste plays an important role in helping young, educated people find their life partners. (Or as some say, a lifetime subscription to fights over who’ll wash the dishes).

If you ever wanted to know about how many castes there are in India, I would suggest this all-knowing drop down menu. Easily found on all matrimonial websites. (Photo Courtesy: Screengrab/iitiimatrimony.com)

Now, by no means am I arguing that the relationship between caste and arranged marriage is a revelation.

But in matrimonial websites’ latest trend, there have been a spurt of specialist sites claiming to focus on ‘modern’ values like education, leaving behind traditional stereotypes about divorce and disabilities.

So one would have hoped that caste would be one of the first things the modern Indian jettisoned.

But, no. The little drop down box listing all the possible castes to choose between, is ubiquitous. 

IIT-IIM Union or Second Shaadi; Caste is the Perennial Baraati

IITIIMatrimony.com has been founded on the premise that people are more likely to select a life partner who has a similar sophistication level, evidenced by his/her educational, professional, and family background.

That’s what the IITIIMatrimony.com website says in its ‘About Us’ section. The website operates under the assumption that for liberal, educated youth looking to get married, a degree (and a stable profession) is much more important than the alignment of stars in a kundli.

Unlike other matrimonial websites, IITIIMatrimony.com lists profiles with descriptions like ‘Highest Degree’, ‘College’ and ‘Profession’.

(Photo Courtesy: IITIIMatrimony.com/Altered by The Quint to protect the identity of the matrimonial profile.)

So far, so good.

But just like any other matrimonial website (and any marriage bureau found in your mohalla), there is a field marked ‘Caste’ right below the name in the profile.

Worse still, while registering on the website, one is asked to fill in the ‘Caste’ field. Compulsorily.

Secondshaadi.com is a matrimonial website for the divorced or widowed looking for a second marriage. This proves that it is possible to move beyond archaic notions of widowhood and the stigma around divorce. But, caste?

(Photo Courtesy: secondshaadi.com/Altered by The Quint)

A matrimonial website for the differently abled, Anokha-Rishta.com lists down age, religion and of course, caste as filters to help its clients look for prospective matches.

(Photo Courtesy: anokharishta.com/Altered by The Quint)

But Why Can’t India Leave Caste Out of the Marriage Party?

One answer is, business.

If you’re a businessperson, and if there is a demand for a product, you alter your business model accordingly.

When we launched the website four years ago, we didn’t have a ‘Caste’ filter. But a market survey that we conducted revealed that for 40-50% of people, caste is still important. We were asked about the option, so we included it on the website. 

Dr Ajay Gupta, Founder, IITIIMShaadi.com 

On the other hand, for the many thousands looking for a Suitable Boy (ahem, Vikram Seth) through matrimonial websites, caste is a box they feel they have to fill, even if they don’t personally believe in it.

Even if I don’t believe in caste, other families do. They want to find a husband or wife for their children who belongs to the same caste or sub-caste. If others believe in caste, what can I do?

Neha, Working Professional, Delhi

Caste in India has always been inextricably intertwined with marriage. Seen by sociologists as a way to maintain caste purity in a heavily stratified society, marriage has always been the first battleground for those fighting to demolish the caste system.

The real remedy for breaking caste is inter-marriage. Nothing else will serve as the solvent of caste. 

Dr BR Ambedkar, ‘Annihilation of Caste’, 1936

And this is why seeing caste on matrimonial websites, as a compulsory filter to identify people, is disturbing. Because it is another reminder of how prevalent (and internalised) caste is in our everyday lives.

So the question to ask today, is this: If young, educated, and liberal men and women don’t choose the ‘Doesn’t Matter’ option in reference to caste while making the most important decision of their lives, who will?