How To Talk to Kids About Sex? Here’s An Age-Appropriate Guide

Here’s a guide to help you understand what you can say to your child at what age so that they make healthy sexual choices. 

Here’s a stunning fact. Whatever you teach your child about sexuality after the age of eight or nine will only be corrective – that means they already know something about it from somewhere else.

New realities, right? The times of “I’ll talk to them about the S word only when they are teenagers” are over. Kids these days are exposed to sexual content very early in life.

Don’t worry, parents. We have a guide to help you understand what you can say to your child at what age so that they make healthy sexual choices.

Also Read: Pay More Attention: What Adults Need to Do About Sex Ed for Kids

When They’re Toddlers

You many not have noticed – but even infants explore their genitals. And baby boys get erections too.

So what do you do?

You start by teaching them about body parts – and don’t be suddenly shy when it comes to naming them. That’s your nose, that’s your tummy and that’s your vagina or penis.

Tell them that boys and girls have different private parts. Then teach them about which body parts are private. And that no one else is allowed to touch them.

Also, toddlers don’t have a sense of privacy so they may touch themselves in public. Tell them that that’s not allowed outside. You don’t have to scold them about it. Teach instead of scold.

When They’re 3 to 5

Kids at this age are curious kittens.

If you catch the kids playing doctor – doctor inappropriately, don’t freak out. Just gently reinforce what’s private and what’s not. And touching each other in private parts is off limits.

But make sure you don’t get all judgmental and moral. There’s no shame in exploring.

It’s also important to teach them to say ‘NO’.

It’s okay to say no to shaking hands, kissing or hugging. YOU are the BOSS of your body.

And while respecting elders is good, you also have to tell them to shout and scream if that elder hurts you.

When They’re 6 to 9

At this age they may get vocal about things. They’ll ask questions and demand answers. This is the best time to talk about sex. They’ll listen without being super embarrassed.

Don’t choke on your food if during meals your six-year-old asks, “Mom, what’s sex?” or “where do babies come from?”

Reach out for illustrative books that are designed for kids to teach them about reproduction. Look for books that are simple, to the point and non-judgemental.

State facts. Your answers like stork visited in the night and hospitals handed out babies are very confusing.

Let their questions and natural curiosity guide you.

When They’re 10 to 12

This is the age that parents most dread.

Tweens go through a lot of physical changes – breasts, wet dreams, menstruation, body hair. It’s a lot to take in. It’s important to tell them that all of this is normal and everyone goes through it.

Tweens also presume they know it all. They don’t.

Let’s face it. Overt sexual content is out there. Porn is out there. And your kid is probably seeing it.

Be prepared and be a parent. Don’t scream and shout and cut off the internet. You need to teach them porn is not real. And that the act is devoid of emotion.

When They’re 13 Or Above

All you parents have to accept that at some point your kids will have sex. You might as well teach them about safe sex practices, STDs and pregnancies yourself. Who would you rather have them getting their knowledge from? Peers and the internet?

Create an environment where they can come to you to ask anything, be it homework, films, fallouts and sex.

It’s equally important to teach them about respect and boundaries. And parents take note of this – while teaching them, learn to keep your own boundaries as well. Barging into their rooms, loos, going through their stuff isn’t cool.

Several studies have shown that children who are aware wait longer to get sexually active. So, all those awkward conversations will be worth it.

Script: Vaishali Sood
Cameraperson: Abhay Sharma
Video Editor: Ashish Maccune

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