Since sex is already such a huge taboo in India, conversation around it hardly goes beyond hushed whispers. Because there is never any mention of the first step in itself, no one talks about what comes after, which in some cases include melancholia, anxiety, tears and a general feeling of sadness.
Called Post Coital Tristesse (sadness in French) or (Post Coital Dysphoria), it is a state which is marked by all of these emotions after consensual sex. People who struggle with PCD can experience them anywhere between immediately to two hours later. And despite the common assumption, it’s not simply confined to women.
Dr Bhavna Barmi, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Fortis Escorts, New Delhi, describes PCD in the following manner:
“Post Coital Trisstesse or feeling sad after consensual sex is also known as “post-sex blues”. It refers to a feeling of immense sadness or agitation post consensual sex, despite the encounter being loving and satisfying. During PCD, some become sad and tearful after orgasm, while others become very argumentative.”
The simple answer is lots! You may feel all of these emotions along with a desire to conceal them, aggravating your emotional state further. And the worst of all? Not even being aware where all of the sadness is coming from.
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One reason for it is the hormones. Now, what happens when you’re turned on or engaging in a sexual act right up to orgasm, is the release of the feel-good-hormone dopamine. However, once the process is complete, the body balances out its secretion with the hormone prolactin. This particular hormone is blamed for your negative feelings after sex, despite you being in a perfectly healthy relationship, says this report.
Add to it negative feelings that might already be on your mind, but got pushed aside during a moment of passion, and it gets worse. If there are feelings of guilt, trauma of any kind, shame associated with sex, fear of commitment, baggage of a previous relationship, uncertainty about your partner - and the list goes on - it could further act as a trigger. (Scroll down for more detailed causes.)
Another report points out that genetics could be a reason too for PCD.
All of this sounds quite intuitive if you think about it. Things get interesting when you realise how common it is and that it’s not simply confined to one gender. While in terms of research, it still remains a relatively nascent field, there have been studies as recent as February 2019 that point out that 41 percent of the total 1,208 male participants, from different nationalities, accepted that they had suffered from PCD at some point in their lives. Another 20.2 percent said they had experienced it in the last four weeks.
When it comes to women, according to a 2015 study, half of the female participants too accepted to have faced it at some point in their lives, while about 5 percent said they had faced it regularly in the previous four weeks.
Dr Barmi emphasises that it’s indeed a very common condition.
Whatever little data we have available on the phenomenon suggests that it’s not a problem of intimacy. Couples that are intimate and loving can also have a situation where one of the partners feels isolated and sad.
However studies have shown that couples who engage in affectionate behaviour post-coitus derive more satisfaction from their emotional and sexual equations, and this can be seen as a potential way of addressing it.
From brain chemistry to trauma to emotional inclination - anything can be a reason for PCD. Dr Barmi lists down potential causes in the following manner:
When it comes to addressing the problem, the solutions primarily involve communication with your partner and reaching out to a mental health expert, if need be. Dr Barmi has a few suggestions.
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