'No One Tells You...': New Moms in Kashmir on Battling Postpartum Depression

“In our culture, a new mother is expected to be happy. Admitting otherwise feels like failing as a mother.”

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a silent, pervasive struggle for many new mothers.

(Photo: FIT)

"I love my baby, but some days, I can’t even love myself," whispers Zehra, a 33-year-old businesswoman from Srinagar, her voice trembling as she cradled her newborn in the quiet, shadowed corner of her home.

"No one tells you that the joy they promise can feel like a burden you’re too broken to carry." 

Zehra

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a silent, pervasive struggle for many new mothers.

Dr Zoya, a mental health expert explains, “Many new mothers experience postpartum 'baby blues,' but PPD is more severe and long-lasting.“ Symptoms like mood swings, intense irritability, and feelings of inadequacy can escalate if ignored.

In Kashmir, cloaked in cultural stigma and societal expectations, this mental health condition often goes undiagnosed and untreated, leaving women to endure profound emotional distress alone.

Despite the region's strong familial structures, there is a notable lack of recognition of the psychological needs of new mothers, further exacerbated by limited mental health resources and prevailing taboos. 

'Often Felt Lonely, Out of Control'

For Kousar Shafi, a 32-year-old homemaker from Srinagar, the journey into motherhood was overshadowed by feelings of isolation and behavioural changes. “I often felt lonely and out of control, as if my emotions had a life of their own,” Kousar recalls.

Married for a little over a year, she welcomed her first child eight months ago. Despite the joy of having a baby, the overwhelming responsibility and lack of emotional support triggered symptoms of PPD.

Kousar lived in her own house with her husband, and while she had some help during the postpartum period, she says the cultural emphasis on physical recovery overshadowed her emotional needs.

“Traditional practices do offer some support,” she admits, “but they lack a scientific basis and often make it harder for women to recognise or address postpartum depression.” In Kashmir, traditional practices such as the 40-day confinement period, though aimed at recovery, often lead to isolation.

Kousar says her mother cared for her, but the experience was deeply isolating. Her husband wasn’t there during this time, leaving her to navigate the overwhelming thoughts and fears she was being plagued with at the time, an incident involving her childhood friend.

Her friend has tragically lost her baby to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) – the sudden, unexpected and unexplained death of an apparently healthy baby, a condition still largely unknown in Kashmir.The tragedy had been unfairly blamed on her by her mother-in-law, who accused her of being a careless mother.

Reflecting on this, she points to the stigma surrounding mental health in Kashmir, where discussing emotional struggles is often seen as a sign of weakness. "I can’t even say it out loud, fearing that speaking it might make it real," she says, her voice trembling. She ended the conversation with a somber note, whispering, “Khudarachin her maaj” — may God spare every mother from such pain.

“Family interference and rigid expectations further complicate the issue,” notes Dr Zoya.

Living with her in-laws in a tightly-knit little community, Zehra says she faced constant criticism for her parenting style, exacerbating her feelings of inadequacy. “I was always told what to do and how to do it, but no one asked how I was feeling,” she shares. The lack of autonomy and understanding pushed Zehra into a cycle of guilt and hopelessness.

“I come from downtown Srinagar, where houses are very close to each other, and neighbours are treated like family and are very interfering.“

She recalls a particular incident that left her shaken. “One day, shortly after my delivery, I was eating bread and butter when a neighbourhood woman walked into my in-laws' house. She looked at me, horrified, and shouted, "HATA MYANE KHUDAYA' (O my God)! How can you eat this? Don’t you know this will make your baby ill because you are feeding him, so whatever you eat goes to your baby?"

Zehra says this moment encapsulates the loss of agency she experienced.

"I was in shock. My life had just changed with the birth of my child, and now my eating habits, my routine, my very existence was no longer my own. I felt like every single thing I did was being criticised and its frustrating. It was all about my child, which I do understand, but what about the new mother? Incidents like this hit my postpartum depression hard.”

Zehra

Moreover, according to Dr Zoya, “In joint family setups, new mothers are often expected to fulfil household duties alongside child-rearing, leaving little room for rest or emotional recovery.”

These societal pressures, coupled with a lack of awareness, often lead to PPD symptoms being dismissed as temporary mood swings or hormonal changes.

Unlike Zehra, 30-year-old Nusrat from Baramulla had a relatively supportive postpartum experience while staying at her parents’ home. “My mother helped with the baby and household chores, which allowed me to rest and regain my strength,” Nusrat says.

Yet, even with this support, she struggled to articulate her feelings of sadness and fatigue, fearing judgment from relatives.

“One day, my aunt came to visit us. At the time, I was battling postpartum depression, but I didn’t fully understand what I was experiencing. She said, ‘Why are you feeling sad? You should be thankful to the Almighty. ‘Laal huv aulad bakhushnei’ (He has blessed you with a beautiful baby boy). Be happy.’ “

Nusrat

Her words were meant to comfort me, but I felt even more isolated because of the societal norms and the communication gap. I couldn’t explain to her or even to myself what I was going through.

“In our culture, a new mother is expected to be happy and grateful. Admitting otherwise feels like failing as a mother.”

Nusrat

Breaking the Silence: Toward a More Compassionate Society 

The stories of Kousar, Zehra and Nusrat highlight the urgent need to foster awareness and empathy around postpartum depression in Kashmir. Cultural norms and societal expectations often silence women during one of the most vulnerable phases of their lives. 

As global conversations about mental health continue to gain momentum, addressing PPD in Kashmir requires a collective effort – one that combines medical intervention, community support, and a cultural shift towards compassion. Only then can new mothers navigate the challenges of motherhood with the dignity and care they deserve. 

Dr Zoya emphasises the need for a multipronged approach to address PPD. “First, healthcare systems must incorporate mental health screenings for new mothers as part of routine postpartum care,” she suggests. Public awareness campaigns could help destigmatise mental health struggles, encouraging women and their families to seek professional help. 

Families, particularly husbands and in-laws, play a critical role in a new mother’s recovery. “Sharing responsibilities, offering emotional support, and avoiding criticism can significantly ease a woman’s postpartum journey,” says Dr Zoya.

She adds that professional counselling and therapy should be made accessible and affordable to bridge the gap in mental health services.

(Syeda Sakeena is a freelance multimedia journalist from Srinagar, Kashmir, covers culture, society, and the environment. Suhaib Bhat is an independent freelance journalist based in Srinagar, Kashmir.)